jennifer love chewit is an idiot

By brendon March 24, 2010 @ 5:07 PM

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I’m sure everyone has already been to NPR today, but if you haven’t, there’s a review of Jennifer Love Hewitts advice book on dating. And it’s every bit as dumb as it sounds. Keep in mind she just got dumped for like the 50th time. Nonetheless some masochist collected a few gems of romantic wisdom…

(From a list of “Strikes”. Meaning if a guy does these things, he’s not the right one) “He keeps saying ‘That’s so dumb’ when you’re talking.”

I don’t know how to break this to you honey but most people aren’t told “that’s so dumb” when they talk. Or at least not so often that they have to make rules about it. Seems like we should be writing an advice book for you. Chapter 1: Shutting The Fuck Up.

“This is embarrassing and personal, but once a month, since I was twelve years old, I go to my favorite jewelry store and try on my dream ring.”

Jennifer Love Hewitt is 31. So she’s been going to the same jewelry store every month for 19 years and wasting their time. Oh I bet they just love that.

(From the list of 20 Things To Do After A Breakup) “Make out with a stranger (he must be gorgeous or you’ll feel worse).”

“Make out”? What if you’re not 12, what then?

“Remember, your body is a temple, not a 7-Eleven.”

Temple? I think she means “tempora”.

(Two things every man should know is) “How to pick a diamond,” and “To always have a coat for you.”

Always have a coat? Was there a page missing between those two sentences? A coat? Coat? Like … at, at my house? Or give her my coat if it’s starts raining or something? Because if it wasn’t raining when we left, I probably don’t have a coat either genius. What do you think, my car makes coats?

wwtdd

(244) Comments

  1. avatar
    SALAJ 03/24/2010 17:10

    My friend told me SeekingAffluent.com. It’s where many highly successful people are in search of someone for a quality relationship in their life, the same as you:)

  2. avatar
    pepper 03/24/2010 17:10

    what happened to her…..last week sh looked good!!

  3. avatar
    dustt10 03/24/2010 17:13

    Oh the beautiful ones are always so stupid. SALAJ, what the fuck is up my brother?

  4. avatar
    Watt 03/24/2010 17:22

    Who would listen to this bitch for dating advice?

  5. avatar
    Woodsman 03/24/2010 17:22

    Is one of her rules: When planning for a photo session, wear a fug hairstyle and a glittery dress that emphasizes your abundantly ample hips

  6. avatar
    ohmwrecker 03/24/2010 17:24

    She and Jennifer Aniston should just start dating each other . . . yeah!

  7. avatar
    Steffabulous 03/24/2010 17:27

    She always reminded me of a coyote or something facially.

  8. avatar
    pepper 03/24/2010 17:29

    Steff….shows up once Zombie has left…LOL

  9. avatar
    DB's Treasure 03/24/2010 17:29

    What are the rules for a woman whose career is down the shit box?

  10. avatar
    Steffabulous 03/24/2010 17:30

    Really? That’s good! He’s cranky attitude really brings down my cheeriness.

  11. avatar
    dustt10 03/24/2010 17:30

    I do appreciate moving Grace Park up in the order, but you didn’t quite make it all the way. Was Hewitt too big a hurdle to get over?

  12. avatar
    Zombie 03/24/2010 17:31

    Glad to hear that Steff. Your cheeriness cranks up my attitude meter.

  13. avatar
    DB's Treasure 03/24/2010 17:32

    Ah, good timing, Steff! I’m out the door.

  14. avatar
    pepper 03/24/2010 17:32

    lol
    *Steff runs out

  15. avatar
    DB's Treasure 03/24/2010 17:33

    Zombie, makes you wish you had the ability to block users on this site to spare you from bullshit.

    LATER, KIDDOS!

  16. avatar
    Steffabulous 03/24/2010 17:33

    That’s quite the photo, yet I’m the one with the ugly mug. I’m ready for my bashing/lambasting today. Start gentle.

  17. avatar
    SuperB 03/24/2010 17:35

    Pens vs Caps tonight…..damn isnt it time to go home YET!

  18. avatar
    Zombie 03/24/2010 17:37

    Exactly DB. Steff would have been blocked moments after she clicked submit for the first time.

    I’m out of here too… Pepper, enjoy your quality time with Steff-BoyGeorge-ulous. Later.

  19. avatar
    pepper 03/24/2010 17:39

    shhhh…Steff…I thought they would never leave…now show me your penis!!!!

  20. avatar
    Steffabulous 03/24/2010 17:39

    That’s really old. You love to run shit into the ground I notice.

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