I’m sure everyone has already been to NPR today, but if you haven’t, there’s a review of Jennifer Love Hewitts advice book on dating. And it’s every bit as dumb as it sounds. Keep in mind she just got dumped for like the 50th time. Nonetheless some masochist collected a few gems of romantic wisdom…
(From a list of “Strikes”. Meaning if a guy does these things, he’s not the right one) “He keeps saying ‘That’s so dumb’ when you’re talking.”
I don’t know how to break this to you honey but most people aren’t told “that’s so dumb” when they talk. Or at least not so often that they have to make rules about it. Seems like we should be writing an advice book for you. Chapter 1: Shutting The Fuck Up.
“This is embarrassing and personal, but once a month, since I was twelve years old, I go to my favorite jewelry store and try on my dream ring.”
Jennifer Love Hewitt is 31. So she’s been going to the same jewelry store every month for 19 years and wasting their time. Oh I bet they just love that.
(From the list of 20 Things To Do After A Breakup) “Make out with a stranger (he must be gorgeous or you’ll feel worse).”
“Make out”? What if you’re not 12, what then?
“Remember, your body is a temple, not a 7-Eleven.”
Temple? I think she means “tempora”.
(Two things every man should know is) “How to pick a diamond,” and “To always have a coat for you.”
Always have a coat? Was there a page missing between those two sentences? A coat? Coat? Like … at, at my house? Or give her my coat if it’s starts raining or something? Because if it wasn’t raining when we left, I probably don’t have a coat either genius. What do you think, my car makes coats?