tuesday afternoon headlines

KATY PERRY – was at a party this weekend which for some reason had an elephant. But not just any elephant. A smooth talking producer. Now Katy is gonna be in a movie. (full size)

JESSE JAMES – will reportedly get ratted out by a 5th girl who says they had sex while he was married to Sandra Bullock. Stuff like this is why so many prostitutes get murdered, by the way. (radar)

STEVEN SPIELBERG – is a moron. According to the creator of the NBC comedy ‘Community’. I knew there was a reason ‘Community’ was my favorite new show (if you like ‘Modern Family’ better you can kiss my ass).  Actually Vince wrote that last sentence but I would have if he hadn’t because he’s right. So is the guy about the current version of Spielberg. Everyone hated ‘Crystal Skull’ but ‘War of the Worlds’ was right before that and it sucked even more. “Oh no, 10 story tripods from outer space are zapping everyone with lasers. They’re killing everyone! Later we’ll find out they need our blood for fertilizer so it won’t make any fucking sense that they’re turning us into ashes, but until then we should definitely drive 250 miles to Boston. Highways provide a natural barrier from aliens. (5 minutes later) Oh shit no they don’t. Lets run out in the open in that big field with no trees or anything to hide behind. We have to keep going, we must get to Boston.”
“Does Boston have some alien death ray I haven’t heard about?”
“Shut the fuck up.”
(filmdrunk)