heather locklear is under arrest

California is, without question, the worst place on earth. Everything is illegal, everything is taxed, everything is 5000 times harder than it should be. Unless you’re a no-parking sign, because apparently those have an entire branch of government dedicated to ensuring their safety.

Heather Locklear was arrested for allegedly hitting a no-parking sign on a public street early Saturday morning near her gated-community home in Ventura County, Calif., and left without notifying anyone, police say.

Notify? Notify who? Who should she tell? A stop sign? A traffic light? “Hey Mr. Orange Cone, I think I killed your wife.”

The actress was cited for misdemeanor hit-and-run after Ventura County Sheriffs examined debris left at the scene and traced it back to her car, sheriff’s spokesman Ross Bonfiglio tells PEOPLE.
“While Locklear was technically arrested, she was not handcuffed or taken to a station because it was just a misdemeanor charge. She was cooperative, but I can’t give any information about any statements she made. She was cited and released. She signed a document stating she would make a court appearance.”

Who knows how many resources were used to bring this sign-driver-intoer to justice but it was all worth it. We’ve taken back the streets from this blood thirsty maniac!