monday morning headlines

SANDRA BULLOCK – has begun preparing her divorce papers, and thanks to a kickass pre-nup, Jesse James will walk away with nothing. Except for his awesome sleeve tats, that is. That guy is a real winner. (radar)

CLASH OF THE TITANS – made an astounding 64 million at the box office this weekend. I was so amazed I read this article to my 3-year-old nephew. “The Kraken was released, and it devoured the Easter bunny,” it began. Oh stop crying. It’s time for you to grow up. (b.o.m.)

DANA WHITE – is up for Times Top 100. People should vote for him because he’s changed the culture of sports in America, and he’s on a list with a bunch of retarded fucking actors who don’t influence a god damn thing. Except for Zoe Saldana, who influences me to go jackoff, and Jenny McCarthy, who has killed over 500 kids. She’s like Stalin. I guess that would be considered influential. (time)

AUDRINA PATRIDGE – hosted a party at MGM’s Wet Republic pool bar in Vegas over the weekend. She’s so helpful. I’ve been hearing a lot about huge breasts on the news lately, so it was good to finally see what everyone has been raving about.