oh stfu esquire

By brendon April 20, 2010 @ 5:34 PM


Esquire magazine has come out with their ‘Women We Love’ issue, with fatty Christina Hendricks on the cover as the ‘Sexiest Woman Alive’, and at one point they have a 75 Greatest Women Of All Time list. For Karen Allen (yes, Karen Allen), they write

Animal House! Raiders of the Lost Ark! Our nine- and twenty-two-year-old selves just fell in love all over again.

‘Raiders’ came out in 1981. So the person writing this is 51 years old. It’s no wonder this magazine is so cool and hip. This list, composed mostly of the writer naming strange women he’d like to fuck, couldn’t be any creeepier unless it was called 75 Women Whose Hair I’d Like to Stroke Before I Eat Them Because They’re All Godless Whores.

(233) Comments

  1. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 22:51

    That’s too bad, He’s my personal Michael Barryman. I’m sure he’ll need to look it up

  2. avatar
    The Irreverent Tony Stark 04/20/2010 22:52

    Oh great, Quebec… all the friggin’ French attitude and none of the actual beautiful scenery.

  3. avatar
    Rokan 04/20/2010 22:52


    You had better keep your nose clean tomorrow. I think you have a target on your back.

  4. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 22:53

    Ro, I never went to Quebec City. Montreal is much more debauched. I associate Quebec City with scenery and old people. Next time, Montreal, I’m serious the homeless there are RABIDLY entertaining along with the bars.

  5. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 22:54

    Quebec has it’s head up it’s ass. Damn separatists. Toronto is more pleasant. Fuck, people here are almost TOO polite. If you need directions they’ll give you fucking subway fare, a map and a blowjob.

  6. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 22:58

    If you need directions they’ll give you fucking subway fare, a map and a blowjob……………I’m packing!!!!
    Anyone else find it rude for duckbutter to not say good night?
    How dreadful!
    Good night good people.

  7. avatar
    The Irreverent Tony Stark 04/20/2010 22:58

    Where’s Napoleon when you need him? Oh yeah, he’s dead.

    That Corsican bastard knew how to organize the French into something meaningful… until he decided to attack the Russians…

  8. avatar
    Rokan 04/20/2010 22:58


    They were rude fucks. I was talking about basketball at the bar, and some snide fuck said, “Pardon me, but aren’t you the wrong color to watch basketball?”

    I told him this was the only color I came in.

  9. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 22:59

    Pep, I cant promise itll be a woman. We have a huge ‘mo population here. You’ll end up getting one from a man like myself.

    Napoleon was afraid of cats. Anyone thats afraid of a slightly bigger rodent…….is a cock.

  10. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 23:01

    TITS, you could say the same about the GERMANS!!!
    ..until he decided to attack the Russians in the middle of the winter…..

  11. avatar
    Rokan 04/20/2010 23:01

    It wasn’t his fault, Tony.

    He had a Napoleonic Complex.

  12. avatar
    The Irreverent Tony Stark 04/20/2010 23:03

    Cats… cats…

    HA, my dogs consider animals up to 4x their size as an appetizer. Cats barely register to them except long enough to reduce them a wiff of fur.

  13. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 23:04

    TITS..what do you have Jack Russels?
    Ok good night again

  14. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 23:06

    I have a handsome scratch on my nose from my prick cat.

  15. avatar
    duckbutter 04/20/2010 23:08

    Hey pepper you dmbass I hate to burst the bubble and call you a liar but cows don’t fucking sleep standing up fucking liar

  16. avatar
    The Irreverent Tony Stark 04/20/2010 23:09

    As a good Scotsman, I have Border Collies. And they’ve become a pack… They pounce on weakness.

  17. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 23:09

    Duckbutter…..don’t get me upset, I’ll have Ohm drive up from Texas..where did I write the cows were sleeping standing up?

  18. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 23:11

    Some idiot left some tropical lizard in my apartment. It eats crickets and it’s like 2 feet long. And the guy hasn’t come back to retrieve it. I’m up to my fucking ass in insects.

  19. avatar
    Rokan 04/20/2010 23:13

    The human head weighs 8 pounds

  20. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 23:14

    Steff,,here in the US, we cal those crabs!!!

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