oh stfu esquire

By brendon April 20, 2010 @ 5:34 PM


Esquire magazine has come out with their ‘Women We Love’ issue, with fatty Christina Hendricks on the cover as the ‘Sexiest Woman Alive’, and at one point they have a 75 Greatest Women Of All Time list. For Karen Allen (yes, Karen Allen), they write

Animal House! Raiders of the Lost Ark! Our nine- and twenty-two-year-old selves just fell in love all over again.

‘Raiders’ came out in 1981. So the person writing this is 51 years old. It’s no wonder this magazine is so cool and hip. This list, composed mostly of the writer naming strange women he’d like to fuck, couldn’t be any creeepier unless it was called 75 Women Whose Hair I’d Like to Stroke Before I Eat Them Because They’re All Godless Whores.

(233) Comments

  1. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 23:14

    Sounds like a goddamned south american jungle in here. Crickets chirping, fucking sun lamps.

  2. avatar
    Jesus_pleazus 04/20/2010 23:15

    Shes hot, and not fat.fuck you.

  3. avatar
    The Irreverent Tony Stark 04/20/2010 23:19

    Steff, you need to learn to tell people to “fuck off” and let them do that kind of crap to you.

  4. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 23:19


  5. avatar
    duckbutter 04/20/2010 23:19

    You said you went cow tipping I’d like to see you push over a cow! I don’t care how many miles you log you ain’t pushin Betsy over

  6. avatar
    The Irreverent Tony Stark 04/20/2010 23:19

    “and NOT let them”

  7. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 23:22

    TITS- ‘Im a nice girl who does favors. It was someones boyfriend who went to jail so I now own a bearded dragon. He’s nice but expensive.

  8. avatar
    duckbutter 04/20/2010 23:32

    Thanks for coming pepper you have to be my fav but you must admit you have never pushed a cow over

  9. avatar
    The Irreverent Tony Stark 04/20/2010 23:40

    …ah… I guess I am more cutthroat than most people then… I tend to cut loose people who engage in activities that could lead them to jail time.

    I am not a patient or sympathetic person: if you act a fool, you’re on your own.

  10. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 23:42

    He had lent me a generous sum of money and used to drive me to a far commute in the downtown core. I felt obliged to be nice. And the jail thing was like for unpaid fines or some stupidity. A very conservative gentleman. Not laissez-faire. Im off to Austin in a few weeks, if he doesnt retrieve the reptile in question then I’m selling him.

  11. avatar
    The Irreverent Tony Stark 04/20/2010 23:50

    I see, a complicated situation.

    Fortunately I have been able to control my own destiny and have not had to come into the debt of others.

    Watch yourself down there in Austin, there are quite a few unwashed hippies who have taken up residence in that city.

  12. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 23:54

    You make me feel bad. My only explanation can be that I am young, foolish and under 25. So these situations seem to find me. When I’m older and jaded I’ll be less friendly, I promise.

    What’s the threat of an unwashed hippie? They might make me listen to some Grateful Dead? I am NOT a fan. I would think that they will supply me with the drugs. I’m very worried about getting caught in the U.S with pot.

  13. avatar
    Rokan 04/21/2010 00:07

    I can’t read all that.

    Just give me the summary.

    Was any of it interesting?


    My vision is a little blurry I thought you said, “unwashed nipples.”

  14. avatar
    Rokan 04/21/2010 00:09


    How can Pepper be your favorite?

    He’s only 18″ tall.

  15. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/21/2010 00:16

    Smaller than I? Sexy. I could overwhelm with my giant dick.

  16. avatar
    duckbutter 04/21/2010 01:05

    Peeper is my fav because he posts great fuckin links. he’s still a total vag but he is the linkabater….is that acceptable or is it mastalinker?

  17. avatar
    duckbutter 04/21/2010 01:15

    I meant to say good night masta’s round here youn’s get what youn’s want

  18. avatar
    duckbutter 04/21/2010 01:23

    tie……. two greatest dick sucking mo’s on the sight pepper &rockan tambien (even threw in the spanish for the beans)….zombie please don’t yell at me!

  19. avatar
    Rokan 04/21/2010 01:33


    The scary thing is, that I think you meant that as a compliment.

  20. avatar
    Little Sister 04/21/2010 01:35

    Fatty? She’s way hot. I’d push my own father down a flight of stairs to spend an hour with those fantastic tits

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