oh stfu esquire

By brendon April 20, 2010 @ 5:34 PM


Esquire magazine has come out with their ‘Women We Love’ issue, with fatty Christina Hendricks on the cover as the ‘Sexiest Woman Alive’, and at one point they have a 75 Greatest Women Of All Time list. For Karen Allen (yes, Karen Allen), they write

Animal House! Raiders of the Lost Ark! Our nine- and twenty-two-year-old selves just fell in love all over again.

‘Raiders’ came out in 1981. So the person writing this is 51 years old. It’s no wonder this magazine is so cool and hip. This list, composed mostly of the writer naming strange women he’d like to fuck, couldn’t be any creeepier unless it was called 75 Women Whose Hair I’d Like to Stroke Before I Eat Them Because They’re All Godless Whores.

(233) Comments

  1. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 22:11

    TITS, he smokes every day…not a big deal!!!

  2. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 22:12

    It IS a hot pocket. WINK

  3. avatar
    The Irreverent Tony Stark 04/20/2010 22:12

    True Pepper, but I thought that today he would pack an extra large bowl or whatever the hell it is that he does.

  4. avatar
    duckbutter 04/20/2010 22:12

    ha ha ha it’s actually nice most the time, hot ass summers and cold ass winters but the time in between is quite nice. Tornadoes scare the shit out of me, my brother chases them for the weather station but fuck that shit he’s a dumbass

  5. avatar
    Rokan 04/20/2010 22:14

    I’m doing laundry. I shit myself laughing today.

  6. avatar
    duckbutter 04/20/2010 22:14

    we have tons of outdoor shit to do, lots of lakes, camping, biking, fishing, ho downs, moonshine, incest, all the good shit

  7. avatar
    The Irreverent Tony Stark 04/20/2010 22:15

    From personal experience, tornadoes aren’t much fun. If you willingly go towards one… you have a problem with your survival instinct.

  8. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 22:17

    Duckbutter, I dated a girl for four years. She was from Oooooooklahoma.
    The first time I got to fuck her in the ass…she was 16 and I was 25…all her brothers were football players . Now she lives in Huston. She found Jesus and wants nothing to do with me.

  9. avatar
    Rokan 04/20/2010 22:19


    Did she find Jesus in her balloon-knot?.

  10. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 22:19

    rape-like. Impressive.

  11. avatar
    duckbutter 04/20/2010 22:19

    yeah I’ve had some friends do some crazy shit fucking with tornadoes. not me I’m the dude in the bath tub with a matress over me GARUNTEE. I don’t fuck with mother nature SHE ALWAYS WINS. Front page of our local paper showed where a tornado picked up a buch of horses and set them down on a hill a mile away unharmed some how, also drove a piece of straw through a telephone pole. fuck that shit I’m in the celler.

  12. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 22:20

    Why duckbutter…do you like Foie Gras that much?

  13. avatar
    duckbutter 04/20/2010 22:22

    the bible thumpers piss me off bad…they’re always coming around knocking on my fucking door I just open it up to my storm door and let my boxer go ape shit on them through the door “what….sorry I can’t hear you….what’s that…yeah if you see jesus tell him I want to talk to him” fuck sticks

  14. avatar
    The Irreverent Tony Stark 04/20/2010 22:22

    I was in a house when a tornado hit… not fun at all.

    Now I live in Colorado, just have to worry about the random blizzard.

  15. avatar
    duckbutter 04/20/2010 22:22

    don’t know foie gras

  16. avatar
    duckbutter 04/20/2010 22:24

    that’s fucked up tony….tornado season is just about upon us.

  17. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 22:24

    Fuck, I just realized that I was in my mid 20′s and she was 16…I was over the club scene and she was just getting into it…we used to fight like crazy. She would come home coked out of her mind and I would be sober…

  18. avatar
    Rokan 04/20/2010 22:25


    I once picked up a bunch of horses, but I could only get them about a 1/2 mile before I set them down.

    I touched one of their balls by accident. He didn’t seem to mind., but we had trouble making eye-contact after that.

  19. avatar
    The Irreverent Tony Stark 04/20/2010 22:26

    Yeah duck, another reason I am happy to be out of Tornado Alley.

    I don’t mind the rain, but I can’t stand thunderstorms that last for friggin’ hours!

  20. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 22:26

    don’t know foie gras
    Well, it’s delicious…that’s all I can tell you!

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