oh stfu esquire

By brendon April 20, 2010 @ 5:34 PM


Esquire magazine has come out with their ‘Women We Love’ issue, with fatty Christina Hendricks on the cover as the ‘Sexiest Woman Alive’, and at one point they have a 75 Greatest Women Of All Time list. For Karen Allen (yes, Karen Allen), they write

Animal House! Raiders of the Lost Ark! Our nine- and twenty-two-year-old selves just fell in love all over again.

‘Raiders’ came out in 1981. So the person writing this is 51 years old. It’s no wonder this magazine is so cool and hip. This list, composed mostly of the writer naming strange women he’d like to fuck, couldn’t be any creeepier unless it was called 75 Women Whose Hair I’d Like to Stroke Before I Eat Them Because They’re All Godless Whores.

(233) Comments

  1. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 22:36

    Rokan, don’t blame the donkey(Mike)
    I brought the trouble on me by attempting to impersonate Tuko…it will never happen again…..I thought SCUM was going to stone me!

  2. avatar
    duckbutter 04/20/2010 22:37

    no but people in oklahoma do like a good calf fry, cow balls, sheep balls, etc. I hear there good but I wouldn’t know cause I’m not gonna eat the shit. Might be the best shit in the world but I wouldn’t know. just not eating balls. You should make that your motto

  3. avatar
    Rokan 04/20/2010 22:38

    I like butter on my button.

    What do you like on your button, Steff?

  4. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 22:39

    Its the same with those trendy assholes and their sushi. That shit is disgusting. Straight up. And you know the people that eat it hate it too. How could you stomach that shite? With their flimsy ass chopsticks…eat it with a fork , fuckstick.

  5. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 22:39

    TITS, My heart is going to burst from eating so much meat on weekends……*that does not sound good*
    But you know what I mean..

  6. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 22:40

    K-Y. or another water based lubricant.

  7. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 22:40

    Steff…you jest about Sushi?
    If I could afford it, I would it it three times a day!!!!

  8. avatar
    The Irreverent Tony Stark 04/20/2010 22:41

    Pepper, I understand the true meaning of what you say.

    To me: cows are food. If they don’t want to be food then they need to evolve and stop us… until then, I’m going to eat steak.

  9. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 22:42

    Grotesque. At least we Greeks deep fry our calamari. We enjoy the pusses.

  10. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 22:42

    Ever go cow tipping?
    We used to do that at the ranch in New Mexico…….fucking blast!!!

  11. avatar
    Rokan 04/20/2010 22:43


    Tuco is a dirty Mexican. He probably knows drug lords. He will have you balls cut off.

  12. avatar
    The Irreverent Tony Stark 04/20/2010 22:44

    Steff, you’re Greek?

    According to the movies about Greece I’ve viewed in recent history (300 and Clash of the Titans) then you must have a Scottish or English accent…

  13. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 22:45

    Hey there now, you just hold on for just one god darn minute..Steff, I loves me the Calamari…

  14. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 22:46

    Rokan, you OK?
    What is this with all the Balls talk..I expect that from Topher…..but from you?

  15. avatar
    Rokan 04/20/2010 22:46


    Did you touch the cow’s balls?

  16. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 22:47

    Oddly, TITS, it’s a Quebecois accent. Thus, it sounds like I’m always asking a question by the infuriating lilt my words end in. The angrier I am, the worse it gets, to the amusement of everyone else.

  17. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 22:47

    I don’t believe that Tuko is Mexican…I believe he said he was from Arizona.

  18. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 22:49

    You know what?
    I believe all this talking about balls made duckbutter go into his cellar.

  19. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 22:50

    Well, boy and girls, I need to get my beauty sleep…..I need to be up by 5:30.
    Have a great night.

  20. avatar
    Rokan 04/20/2010 22:50


    I was just in Quebec City for a few days. Loved it.

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