the best idea ever

By brendon May 25, 2010 @ 3:30 PM


Us magazine must get money from the government or something if an employee commits suicide because they made someone sit down and chronicle Heidi Montags twitter page. And then write an article about it. But whatever because this was the only one I cared about…

“My last surgery was the best decision of my life!” she Twittered. “Anything anyone else says (family members who are trying to make money off of me) is a lie! I have never felt sexier, happier, or more amazing in my own skin. I truly look the way I have always dreamed.”

Dreams really can come true. If you want to be a winner like Heidi, don’t just get implants, get DDD implants. No mainstream company like Johnson and Johnson will make those because they’re scared, but look for implants with a wolverine or grizzly bear on the box, then a number like 5000, or even better 5000 followed by an X. The X stands for xtra-sexxxy.

(61) Comments

  1. avatar
    D. Znuts 05/25/2010 15:33

    Hopefully her tits will get so big they’ll pull her into the earth, where she belongs.

    We shoot animals to put them out of their misery… just sayin’.

  2. avatar
    SALAJ 05/25/2010 15:35

    My friend told me WealthyRomanceS-COM. It’s where many highly successful people are in search of someone for a quality relationship in their life, the same as you:)

  3. avatar
    Admiral 05/25/2010 15:37

    “No mainstream company like Johnson and Johnson will make those because they’re scared, but look for implants with a wolverine or grizzly bear on the box, then a number like 5000″

    Hahah! I almost sprayed my coffee all over the monitor when I read that.

  4. avatar
    D. Znuts 05/25/2010 15:37

    My friend told me if I shoot SALAJ in the face, SALAJ will hemorrhage and bleed out.

  5. avatar
    Zombie 05/25/2010 15:38

    Which is better, eternal happiness or a ham sandwich?

  6. avatar
    Long_Duk_Dong 05/25/2010 15:38

    whatever happened to Morgana?

  7. avatar
    tinasat 05/25/2010 15:38

    watch her hottest bikin

  8. avatar
    D. Znuts 05/25/2010 15:40


  9. avatar
    J-Sausage 05/25/2010 15:40

    At least she turned out better than Tara Reid.

  10. avatar
    Zombie 05/25/2010 15:41

    It would appear that eternal happiness is better, but this is really not so! After all, nothing is better than eternal happiness, and a ham sandwich is certainly better than nothing. Therefore a ham sandwich is better than eternal happiness.

  11. avatar
    Sensei John Kreese 05/25/2010 15:43

    “There was nothing really as glorious as a good beer shit – I mean after drinking twenty or twenty-five beers the night before. The odor of a beer shit like that spread all around and stayed for a good hour-and-a-half. It made you realize that you were really alive.”

    - Charles Bukowski

  12. avatar
    D. Znuts 05/25/2010 15:44

    What is the sound of one hand fapping?

  13. avatar
    Von Schirach 05/25/2010 15:45

    What have you people done to Zombie?! You’ve turned him into a lobotomized philosopher who makes funny motivational posters with cute baby animals on them! You goddamned bastards!

  14. avatar
    SCUM 05/25/2010 15:56

    Recycled post’s, recycled photo’s, recycled comment’s, recycled condoms and recycled socks.

  15. avatar
    CrappyCar 05/25/2010 15:57

    Sure, I’d fsuk her with a branding iron.

  16. avatar
    RedRage 05/25/2010 15:58

    Titty Tuesday, the good version.

  17. avatar
    Long_Duk_Dong 05/25/2010 15:59

    so none of you f@gs remember Morganna…..Damn.
    I am old.

  18. avatar
    Goat Effer 05/25/2010 16:01

    Would you fuck Heidi bareback immediately after Spencer shot a load in her?

  19. avatar
    Goat Effer 05/25/2010 16:06

    I remember Morganna. She was old, had jinormous jugs and was hideously ugly.

  20. avatar
    SomeoneluvsU 05/25/2010 16:07

    When I die, on my deathbed, I will receive total consciousness…

    So I got that going for me

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