morning headlines

GARY COLEMANS – ex wife only got $10,000 for the pictures she took while Gary died (sold to the Globe) because even other tabloids couldn’t bring themselves to stoop so low. That’s the good news. But she probably killed him and is getting away with it. That’s bad. But it comes with your choice of toppings! Homer: “That’s good!” Old man: “The toppings contain potassium benzoate…” Homer: (confused look) Old man: “That’s bad.” (popeater, video)

KELLI – had the temerity to ask for a mention on Tyler just because she reads it and turns 21 today. It turns out Kelli is built like this. Happy Birthday Kelli, yaay, hooray, we love you Kelli!!!! (facebook)

LINDSAY LOHAN – is still claiming she did nothing wrong when her SCRAM bracelet went off Sunday night. “I’m working to get proof that I did not tamper with the bracelet or drink.” This will probably mean some story where Lindsay says the bar was real crowded and some other persons sweat got on her leg and into the bracelet. It’s dumb, but Lindsay is too dumb to know she’s dumb. Trying to explain anything is pointless, like a staring contest against a mannequin. (radar)

GERI HALLIWELL – got out of a car all disheveled and pulling her shirt back down. But don’t you dare judge her. Times are tough, and she’s got bills to pay just like the rest of us. (splash news online)

(TWITTER ……. FACEBOOK ……. IMPRESSIONIST DARTH VADER)