Lindsay Lohan: “I can’t go to jail. I’ll kill myself first.”

By brendon July 14, 2010 @ 4:53 PM


Lindsay Lohan has until Tuesday to turn herself in and begin a 90 day jail sentence (which will likely end up closer to 3 weeks), that is unless this asshole kills herself first just because someone actually expects her to obey the law or be held accountable for her actions. Star says…

(According to a source) “She just kept repeating, ‘I can’t go to jail,’ and, ‘I’ll kill myself first.’”
“She’s mentally unstable and getting worse. She ran around breaking mirrors, cutting herself and rambling like a lunatic. She tore her house apart before she finally just broke down. Lindsay’s on a 24/7 suicide watch, it’s so bad. She isn’t doing well with this.”

On the bright side, those lesbian gangs seem to be really excited about meeting her, and so for the first time in 3 years she’ll be in a group where she’s actually wanted. Also it seems very hard to believe that if she is raped, that the girl will be uglier than that Sam chick, whom she had sex with willingly. You could put Sam in a Star Trek movie and she’d still be the ugliest one.

(55) Comments

  1. avatar
    MrAdams 07/14/2010 16:56

    No guts!

  2. avatar
    LingLing 07/14/2010 16:57

    They should put her on a 2/1 suicide watch, or just have Mel look after her… in his rose garden.

  3. avatar
    Race Bannon 07/14/2010 17:00

    Hey if you really want to kill yourself who am I to stop you from being happy?

  4. avatar
    Sono 07/14/2010 17:00

    “You could put Sam in a Star Trek movie and she’d still be the ugliest one.”

    I thoroughly enjoyed that zinger. .

  5. avatar
    SCUM 07/14/2010 17:02

    Lindsay Lohan: “I can’t go to jail. I’ll kill myself first.” Can I watch? I like to watch.

  6. avatar
    MrAdams 07/14/2010 17:04

    If Lindsay Lohan does not turn herself in next Tuesday, the court will send her a nasty letter in the mail. They wouldn’t dare drag her kicking and screaming out of her house off to jail.

  7. avatar
    SomeoneluvsU 07/14/2010 17:05

    Lindsay’s cellmates

  8. avatar
    MrAdams 07/14/2010 17:08

    Perhaps Samantha Ronson can sit on Lindsay’s face and smother her. Death by muff-overdose.

  9. avatar
    Sensei John Kreese 07/14/2010 17:08

    I’ve seen enough of those women in prison movies on Skinemax to know how that all works.

  10. avatar
    minimosh 07/14/2010 17:08

    She is the epitome of a wet pussy. And not the good kind either.

  11. avatar
    Rokan 07/14/2010 17:11

    I see a shaved head and an umbrella in her future

  12. avatar
    Ultrasly 07/14/2010 17:11

    Seems like she is trying the insane card, I don’t know if you can put a mentally unstable faker in jail. She might walk… I just watched one of the kinkiest movies I’ve seen in a while, plenty of analingus; no scat though. Someone here like scat I hear.

  13. avatar
    jeffislouie 07/14/2010 17:11

    Sounds to me like she’s hoping the judge will put her in a mental ward and she’s trying to lay the foundation.
    It isn’t likely to work.
    Stop crying wolf, LiLo, and actually do it. That would make my month.

  14. avatar
    Sensei John Kreese 07/14/2010 17:12

    Is there enough room in a 6 x 8 cell for scissoring?

  15. avatar
    Rokan 07/14/2010 17:14

    Do you two know each other?

  16. avatar
    Dirty Dirt Mcgirk 07/14/2010 17:16

    die bitch die!

  17. avatar
    Watt 07/14/2010 17:16

    I hope she does kill herself.

  18. avatar
    discostu78 07/14/2010 17:18

    If Lindsay is interested, I’m sure that Mel Gibson would be willing to burn the goddamn house up, but she would have to blow him first!

    actually I’d be up for that type of rush myself..hahahah

  19. avatar
    Dirty Dirt Mcgirk 07/14/2010 17:18

    Rhianna and Chris Brown, Kate Gosselin, 2 mel updates, and a lohan post… Its like time is standing still..please move on. I beg of you.

  20. avatar
    Rokan 07/14/2010 17:18

    I’ve been driving for 5 hours and I can’t hold my shit anymore. 15 minutes from home and its 50-50 I make it
    Feels like diarrhea

    Pray for me.

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