the top 100 stories of 2010 (90-100)

100. BROOKLYN DECKER – did a cartwheel in a bikini. Holy shit, this is number 100? Wow is this list gonna go down hill fast. (May 12th, May 13th, May 12th, May 11th)

99. HEIDI MONTAG – got DDD implants. As I was saying; Down. Hill. Fast. (January 21st, April 12th)

98. ANNA PAQUIN – announced that she’s bisexual, doubling the number of potential lovers who will have to ignore that gap between her teeth. I swear in some pictures it’s like she only has 2 teeth. (April 1st)

97. RICKY MARTIN – claims he’s gay, but if you listen to his older songs, he sings about many beautiful ladies and how he wants to make love to them. Gay? I don’t know, I don’t buy it. (March 29th)

96. COREY HAIM – died. This one would have been higher up if anyone knew he had been alive on March 9th. (March 10th)

95. AVATAR – broke the all time box office record, with a current total of 2.77 billion dollars. In a related story, people are generally dumb with horrible taste in movies. (January 25th)

94. JESSICA SIMPSON – is “sexual napalm”, according to John Mayer. If by “napalm” he means she clings to you and makes men run away, that seems fair. (February 10th)

93. LINDSAY LOHAN – is $600,000 in debt. Or at least she was back in April. How is she doing lately, has anyone heard? She lives her life with such a quiet dignity, it’s hard to keep up. (April 19th)

92. KATY PERRY AND RUSSELL BRAND – got engaged. Gee I wonder if their kids are gonna be pretentious and annoying. (January 6th)

91. KEVIN SMITH – was kicked off a Southwest flight for being too fat. Yes, we wouldn’t want to sully the classy experience of a Southwest flight by having to look at a fat guy. (February 15th)

90. KE$HA – was so bad on SNL, it had people wondering if she was the worst musical guest in the shows 35 year history. I don’t even know what the other choices are, but “Yes”. (April 20th)