morning headlines

THE SAG AWARDS – were last night, and they sucked, unless you follow supermodel Chrissy Teigen on twitter. “i saw jeremy renner after the globes and was very disappointed he didn’t have the neck tattoo from the town. fake ass.” “these social network doofs are aligned like the bars on my att phone. if i ever fucking had full service. so it’s just one jesse eisenberg.” She’s great. Unfortunately her boyfriend is John Legend, and he’s better than me by any reasonable standard. The only thing I have on him is the element of surprise, if you catch my drift. (twitter)

JAVIER BARDEM – has been offered the role as the villain in the next James Bond movie. After that he should play Jeffrey Dean Morgan in a movie about Raul Julia. (deadline)

HENRY CAVILL – has been chosen by producer Christopher Nolan and director Zach Snyder to play the next Superman, which means we now have British actors playing Batman, Spiderman and Superman. Luckily their characters won’t be British, because they’d just be a bunch of drunks using their powers on free kicks. (hollywood reporter)