Lindsay will give the homeless the greatest gift of all

One time I was walking through a parking lot and I came around a car and there was this old homeless woman with a ping pong ball for an eye (literally. it was a ping pong ball with a blue circle drawn on it with a sharpie inside her eye socket) and she was squatting down next to the car peeing. And I know she was peeing because she looked up at me and yelled, “I’m peeing!”. Not in a mad “do you mind, I’d like some privacy” kind of way, just as a very loud declaration of fact.

Did she learn how to express herself through performing? I don’t know, I didn’t think to ask, but the Los Angeles Downtown Women’s Center seems to think that’s a problem homeless women have, so they’re hoping Lindsay Lohan will come teach their theater workshop as part of her community service.

Fox News says…

The workshop includes around 15 women who meet for two hours each week to learn how to express themselves through performing.
Sources said Lohan was interested in the program, adding that the troubled actress believed it would be “a perfect fit for her community service.”

You know what else would be a perfect fit for Lindsay? A orange vest, size small, which she can wear as she picks up trash. It will also make her easy to spot so I can follow behind her throwing down more trash.