‘War Horse’ has a new trailer

By brendon October 05, 2011 @ 9:40 AM

‘War Horse’ has a new full length trailer out today (HD copies here), and I just want to say once again that Steven Speilberg can go fuck himself. I’ll admit that this worked on me but only because I’m a malleable simpleton, not because it’s a good movie. Here’s the plot:

ACT 1: A boy has a horse that he loves very much.
ACT 2: Speilberg spends 2 hours threatening to kill it.
ACT 3: He doesn’t. Or maybe he does. “Ooo, look, I’m taking the audience on an emotional roller coaster.” No, you’re not. You’re just a manipulative dick.

I bet there was only one storyboard to map out this entire movie and it looked like this. That’s supposed to be an Academy Award in Spielbergs hand, by the way, but I can’t draw so it sorta looks like the NBA trophy or a butt plug, which may or may not be a part of Hollywood pitch meetings for all I know. Also you could argue that it wasn’t necessary to include a Star of David on his hat. Things got a little bigoted there at the end.

(5) Comments

  1. avatar
    SexyRicardSimmons 10/05/2011 11:07

    This is a movie about a young gay who loves horse cock during wartime?

  2. avatar
    Sono 10/05/2011 11:23

    It felt like I just watched the whole movie. That looked like a real steaming pile of shit.

  3. avatar
    Turner 10/05/2011 15:22

    Actually, it looks like Mark Cuban. And the NBA trophy. If you have time, could you try LeBron withOUT an NBA trophy?

  4. avatar
    gfdgdsgdfghh 10/05/2011 21:10

    Come go and see, will not regret it Oh look


  5. avatar
    MrCheeseTaco 11/27/2011 14:06

    Ironically, the character’s repeated and annoying phrase as the end “Be brave” does not apply to Spielberg in any way, shape, or form. Unless by “be brave”, the character means “replay the same shots, the same old shit, and induce weeping in simple-minded fools with sweeping orchestrations and pictures of ponies and shit”, then, yes, Spielberg is brave as a motherfucker. Takes on all comers, that Spielberg does.

    Can’t wait for the sequel “WarUnicorn”, where a proven warrior Unicorn takes on the Decepticons and kicks the holy horseshit out of them with the help of a spunky and doe-eyed tween on the verge of manhood. Or tapdance lessons.

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