Jennifer Love Chewitt got dumped in a text

As you read this keep in mind that Jennifer Love Hewitt wrote a book filled with dating advice despite the fact that she’s 32, has never been married and in fact can’t even keep a boyfriend for more than a few months.

Jennifer Love Hewitt might just be the most unlucky-in-love Hollywood starlet! Her latest boyfriend, 27-year-old actor Jarod Einsohn, has broken up with her — via text message, a source tells InTouch.
“She cannot keep a boyfriend. She is very overbearing, and if things don’t go her way, she becomes a diva and flips out.”

And so it seems this tale of romantic woe has come to it’s predictable end, all wrapped up in a neat little bow.
Jennifer Love Hewitt, dumped. Thrown away like yesterdays garbage.
Feels like I’ve heard this song before.
A diversion?
Maybe. I had to be certain. It wouldn’t be easy.
In this town Truth and Danger walk hand in hand but the clock was ticking so I donned a disguise and drove to Jennifer’s house.
As I stepped out of the car I straightened my red windbreaker and pulled my mesh ball cap low to cast a shadow over my fake mustache.
I knocked on the door.
A voice. Female. Tubby.
“Who is it,” Jennifer fatly asked.
Showtime.
“Eye-a gotta da peetza for you,” I said. “You-a order da peetza?”
The door flung open.
“Well, no,” she said, disappointed but with a glean in her eye that told me she was hatching a plan.
She bit the head off a peeps marshmallow bunny and continued.
“What kind of pizza is it?”
Time to bait the hook.
“Oh-a you-a know, juss-a da regular…”
I opened the lid, showed her the prize inside. Her face lit up like it was Christmas morning.
“Eetz-a da pepporni peetza, topped witha da fried chicken anna da hot fudge. You-a know-a what, you sucha da pretty lady, why-a you no take-a da slice…”
In a flash I pulled off my mustache.
“…Jennifer Love Hewitt!”
She knew she’d been played.
“You son of a bitch!”
Her beefy hand snapped up to slap me, I caught her wrist, stopped it just short.
“Careful now Love. Be a shame if I dropped this hot delicious pizza.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” she said, choking on her words, desperate to be right.
“Well all I need is to ask a few questions, and then after that what happens to this pizza is entirely up to you,” I replied.

So, anyway, long story short, yeah that dude dumped her in a text because she’s a pain in the ass.