this is why Steven Spielberg sucks

By brendon December 02, 2011 @ 6:10 PM


By almost any measure, ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ is one of the most successful and entertaining movies ever made. As long as you ignore the ending, which might be the worst ending ever for an otherwise great movie. Because Indiana Jones doesn’t do anything. He literally does nothing. He’s tied to a pole, and the Nazis open the Ark and it kills them and Indy had nothing to do with it. The exact same thing would have happened whether he was there or not. The entire point of the movie was to keep the Nazis from using the Ark, and the Ark did that by itself. Our hero had zero effect on the outcome of the story.

Which is weird, because the rest of the movie is so awesome. Why was the ending so bad? Why would Steven Speilberg do that? Is it because he actually sort of sucks?

Well he has an interview in the new Entertainment Weekly, and he says he had doubts about the ending even while making it.

“I was a little bit dubious about what happens when they open the ark. What actually is going to come out of the ark? There were a lot of crazy things in the script. I wasn’t sure how much we could actually get on the screen. We made a lot of it up as we were in postproduction.”

Oh ok I guess he didn’t have any doubts. Except for how to film scary angel faces. But what a thrill it was to see Indiana sheepishly open his eyes and hope the danger had gone away while he was shrieking. I fucking hate you Steven Spielberg.

(34) Comments

  1. avatar
    Observer 12/02/2011 18:19

    Movies without chicks being naked and fucking are hardly worth watching…..

  2. avatar
    redneckwordsofwisdom 12/02/2011 18:57

    I wasn’t very clear…so Indy did or didn’t have something to do with the ending? I thought Jim Rome wrote that for a second.

  3. avatar
    iSlomoshun 12/02/2011 19:52

    He’s rich as hell because of HIS SUCCESS you fucking twat bake. Why don’t you and Adam Carolla go suck his dick or something.

  4. avatar
    Chareth 12/02/2011 20:02

    Cool story about a 30-year old movie! Hey, let’s continue to not let Star Wars die while we’re at it. You’re really helping everything, internet!

  5. avatar
    Jackazz 12/02/2011 21:33

    Harrison Ford needs to toss my salad.

  6. avatar
    Mechakisc 12/02/2011 21:49

    All of the Indiana Jones movies are like that. Not that you’re wrong that it was a stupid ending.

  7. avatar
    Mr. Nutt 12/02/2011 22:52

    Can I just see some boobies please?

  8. avatar
    Mr. Nutt 12/02/2011 23:13

    Obs, I could use some help on the Adam Corolla post please!

  9. avatar
    MrAdams 12/02/2011 23:56

    I thought the entire point of the movie was Indiana Jones fucking Marion Ravenwood, all of that Nazi stuff was filler.

  10. avatar
    Gildorg 12/03/2011 01:02

    Gee Whiz…

    I guess it was kind of exciting around here today…

    A bunch of liberal douche-bags (Mr. Corolla isn’t the only one who gets to use it…) get on here today to bitch…

    Amber Heard still needs it in her butt to help her make up her mind about who is supposed to bang her…

    One of the Crapdashians was apparently shown for how the hell the ugly it/she is…

    Heck, work all damn day and miss all kinds of stuff!

    Now, where are the boobies?

    Time for a nightcap or two…


  11. avatar
    J.Q. Higgins 12/03/2011 04:42

    So the entire point of the movie was to keep the Nazi’s from using the Ark?
    Because the might hurt themselves?

  12. avatar
    BA732 12/03/2011 10:56

    Check out his wifey weighing only 80 lbs!!!!!!!!

  13. avatar
    tigojones 12/03/2011 11:40

    Looking back on it, yes, it’s easy to say “Well they should’ve just left everything alone. The Nazis would’ve killed themselves.” However, at the beginning, they had no idea what the ark would really do or how it would react.

    They went in under the assumption that it would’ve worked as a weapon for the Nazi, on the off chance it would.

  14. avatar
    buddygroove 12/03/2011 14:08

    Ah, the ending of Raiders was great5. Whoever writs this page is an idiot trying too hard to be funny and just coming off like a moron. No wonder this site sucks now. It’s written by people with bad taste.

  15. avatar
    mercury 12/03/2011 14:48

    What a ridiculous entry!

  16. avatar
    Stoli12 12/03/2011 15:29

    BS Entry… The reason Indy was taken was that he couldn’t destroy the ark himself due to curiousity. He could have taken action but as an archaeologist he wanted to see what was in there.

    FYI-the only Indy movie where his actions had a deciding factor in the death of the villian was Temple of Doom.

  17. avatar
    minimosh 12/03/2011 19:21

    and THIS is why YOU suck.

  18. avatar
    Gildorg 12/03/2011 21:33

    Wow, The Raiders of the Lost Ark fanboys come on out!

    Well, home for a little, before off to gig two…

    Don’t have too much fun around here!

  19. avatar
    deweather 12/03/2011 21:59

    You are not the first to point out the fact that Indy’s presence in the movie was unnecessary because the ark would have killed the nazis. However, that fails to understand the point of the movie(s). Indy’s role was to lead us, the audience, through the story. That’s his role in all of the movies. Notice that in none of the movies does he ever get to keep the thing he’s going after. The point is the adventure, not the treasure. The treasure is just the MacGuffin that the plot is built around.

  20. avatar
    shm0 12/03/2011 22:45

    I actually prefer unpredictability in movies rather the same ol hero wins kind of stuff… cuz let’s be honest, after awhile you’ve seen it all. You know another movie that did something unpredictable? Won an Oscar? The Departed. Leo Cap got capped. trololol MATT DAMON

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