It’s that – time – of year – again, when the persnickety queers at Esquire go on Google Trends to find a popular actress and pretend as if they like girls for more than shoe shopping and gossip. It’s the 2012 Sexiest Woman Alive, the winner is Mila Kunis, and as always, the article is as creepy as a priest gently brushing your face with the back of his hand.
“A brief encounter with the most beautiful, opinionated, talkative, and funny movie star that we’ve all known since she was nine.”
I FUCKING HAVE NOT! And I looked it up, I doubt anyone else has either, so there’s no reason on earth this “sexy” article should be talking about a 9 year old. God it’s like getting a valentine from Jerry Sandusky. And that’s how it starts. Here’s how it ends:
“It’s 10:30 now and she wants to take a walk. She’s a little hungry, and it’s a beautiful night, and no one even knows she’s here.”
Oh Jesus Christ. Please tell me someone has seen Mila Kunis in the past few days. This sounds less like an interview and more like a real-time confession.