‘the Hobbit’ is getting mixed reviews

By brendon December 04, 2012 @ 12:58 PM

the-hobbit

The first three Lord of the Rings movies got a 92, a 96, and a 94 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, because movie critics are idiots. Those movies are fucking awful. They’re long, slow, tedious, and have more gay characters than ‘Project Runway’.

‘The Hobbit’ however, is down at around 71 percent so far today, the first day critics are allowed to post their reviews. The issue? The movie is long, slow, tedious, and, because it was shot at 48 frames per second as opposed to the standard 24, uncomfortably clear.

The Hollywood Reporter says…

“(In this) academically fastidious telling, however, it’s as if The Wizard of Oz had taken nearly an hour just to get out of Kansas. There are elements in this new film that are as spectacular as much of the Rings trilogy was, but there is much that is flat-footed and tedious as well, especially in the early going.”

And about the frame rate, Variety says…

“everything takes on an overblown, artificial quality in which the phoniness of the sets and costumes becomes obvious, while well-lit areas bleed into their surroundings, like watching a high-end home movie.”

That sounds a lot like ‘The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t But Then Was‘ by the way. And movieline agrees…

“It felt like watching daytime soaps in HD, terrible BBC broadcasts, or Faerie Tale Theater circa 1985, only in amazingly sharp clarity and with hobbits.
Part of the problem is there’s too much detail in every frame that the magical filter of cinema that makes most 24 fps film so pleasing to the eye is gone; every prop on a set too clear, and even a performance by someone like the very fine Ian McKellen looks embarrassingly, unnaturally theatrical.”

Well, whatever, I’m sure it will still be very successful with LARPers, and who doesn’t respect and admire LARPers. If those people don’t know what’s cool, then who does.








wwtdd

(12) Comments

  1. avatar
    LoK 12/04/2012 14:10

    Saw this coming based on the initial released pictures

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxAEo3CWeq8

  2. avatar
    Pugiron 12/04/2012 14:56

    If Brandon hates it it must be great.

  3. avatar
    Admiral 12/04/2012 14:56

    I just don’t believe that movies become “phony” the closer to reality you make them, visually. Screw those angry-my-childhood-expectations-don’t-match-with-new-technology old haters. I grew up in the 80′s so I know what crappy television looks like – I have great vision and I’m tired of movies and shows looking blurry as Hell. Make that shit with as crisp a frame rate and as high-resolution as possible!

  4. avatar
    lethargic 12/04/2012 15:33

    TALKIES?? HA!! Nobody wants to hear actors talk!!!

    HIGH FRAME RATE?? HA!! Nobody wants to see movies that clear!!!

  5. avatar
    NautiusMaximus08 12/04/2012 16:48

    If you’re going to copy your criticism of LotR from ‘Clerks II”….

    GOOD catch on ‘The Simpsons’ though!

  6. avatar
    davfull 12/04/2012 21:30

    “They’re long, slow, tedious, and have more gay characters than ‘Project Runway.” So fucking true!

  7. avatar
    sirlongfarts 12/05/2012 03:38

    “have more gay characters than ‘Project Runway”

    HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

  8. avatar
    2Madre 12/05/2012 04:56

    It must be great if all those idiots think it sucks. Just because it doesn’t have an explosion every 2 minutes doesn’t mean it’s bad ya’ short attention span having bunch of scallywags.

  9. avatar
    mattyj2001 12/05/2012 06:58

    Admiral, I actually think you need glasses. See an optometrist.

    The more real something looks the more like a stage play it looks. I’ll withhold judgement until I see it at that accelerated frame rate but it’ll be tough to pull it off.

  10. avatar
    mercury 12/05/2012 12:18

    Your argument is invalid.

  11. avatar
    Paulda 12/07/2012 16:25

    1st of all, the writer of this column is a self serving know it all idiot. The LOTR movies were horrible? You obviously know nothing and shouldn’t even have a column. If a jerk like you can do this than any chimpanzee in a cage can do the same.

  12. avatar
    Paulda 12/07/2012 16:27

    Plus all the idiots against 48 frames are just like every other idiot before them who got upset when talkies came in, who got upset when color was added to movies, everything some knew technology makes movies better, people are so stupid that they can’t see it.

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