Megan Fox is in Esquire, might be insane

By brendon January 15, 2013 @ 4:38 PM


Megan Fox is in the new issue of Esquire, and if anyone thought she might be another one of these stars who has their interviews filtered through a publicist, this should put an end to that. Because she’s candid. Psychotically candid.

Others in her situation have found release in booze and pills. Fox has found hers in church.
“I have seen magical, crazy things happen. I’ve seen people be healed. Even now, in the church I go to, during Praise and Worship I could feel that I was maybe getting ready to speak in tongues, and I’d have to shut it off because I don’t know what that church would do if I started screaming out in tongues in the back.”

Luckily, weirdness is right at home in Esquire, who fag upeverysingleinterviewand profile they ever do with a hot girl by studying her features the way a serial killer would right before turning her into a lamp.

The symmetry of her face, up close, is genuinely shocking. The lip on the left curves exactly the same way as the lip on the right. The eyes match exactly. The brow is in perfect balance, like a problem of logic, like a visual labyrinth. It’s not really even that beautiful. It’s closer to the sublime, a force of nature, the patterns of waves crisscrossing a lake, snow avalanching down the side of a mountain, an elaborately camouflaged butterfly. What she is is flawless. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her.

Are… are we still talking about Megan Fox? What was all that about a labyrinth and butterflies and an avalanche? It’s like Esquire is trying to sell us a racehorse.

(5) Comments

  1. avatar
    LoK 01/15/2013 16:43

    Loopy cunt!

  2. avatar
    MacDaddy 01/15/2013 16:44

    there is one major flaw with her……she is not naked and on my lap!

  3. avatar
    darlingelana 01/16/2013 10:56

    Ive been reading your blog for years now and I always laugh, but this made me laugh out loud, today was the day I decided to register and tell you ;)

  4. avatar
    RangerLG 01/16/2013 11:34

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with her? Have they looked at her freak thumb?

  5. avatar
    Bonnie 01/16/2013 15:20

    WHAT??? she has buck teeth and a perpetually stupid look on her face. AND she’s a champion whiner.

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