Taylor Swift got dumped because she’s “asexual and wouldn’t put out”

By brendon January 10, 2013 @ 6:39 PM

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This should have been obvious based on nothing but the awful, frumpy bikinis she always wears, but Taylor Swift is a boring prude. Seriously. Just look at that god damn picture. What’s drier, the sand or her vagina?

That was rhetorical but I bet Harry Styles of ‘One Direction’ would know, because that’s reportedly why he broke up with her.

(Styles) dumped Taylor Swift after growing tired of her “asexual” ways, Radar.com says.
“Taylor is so concerned that the public will think she’s a wh*re because she dates around, that she doesn’t put out. What she doesn’t get is that the guys keep dumping her because she’s being a prude.”

The good news for Taylor is that there are lots of guys who would love to spend the night with a pale and bony stiff who just lies there in bed. The bad news is that they’re necrophiliacs.

wwtdd

(5) Comments

  1. avatar
    Admiral 01/10/2013 19:44

    Wait, that’s it? I thought maybe she was emotionally disturbed or something. Turns out she just doesn’t want to shallow men? Nothing wrong with that.

    You just gotta treat those girls differently, is all – you know… like look at them when they talk and take an interest in what they do all day. Then she’ll get freaky because it’s been so long. Just let her be in control the first few times, until she’s comfortable with you, then strike! At least, that’s what I read in a book once. Mein Kampf, it was called. I can’t remember the author’s name, though.

  2. avatar
    Dr. Gonzo 01/10/2013 19:50

    This dude is just a loser because she has already slept with half the guys in Hollywood. Pretty much everybody but him and Justin Bieber.

  3. avatar
    AlronDelzeen 01/10/2013 23:02

    This is not uncommon.

  4. avatar
    Raymond K. Hessel 01/11/2013 10:38

    Why are we not talking about the only hot female in this picture? Who is she? Does she swallow? Do we want to see her from the shoulders up?

  5. avatar
    joelski 01/11/2013 19:26

    I can’t wait for the title track of her next album. “My Uncle’s Fingers”.

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