So. Hey. It’s me. Brendon. How are you today?
As you (hopefully) noticed, things have been pretty quiet lately, but if you were on twitter you know it’s because I was sort of on the verge of being fired last week.
As of today, there’s good news and bad news. The good news is I wasn’t. If you think I suck (which is possible since I’m the only writer and have written essentially every word since day one) then that was also the bad news. I guess you thought this blog about how fat Jessica Simpson is was gonna fire me and hire Jim Jefferies or Louie CK. Because, yeah, that makes perfect sense if you think about it. Jackass.
But I digress. The issue here is that I’ve gotten astounding lazy over the past few months, and for that I truly do apologize. That was never the case in the past, which is how the site got built up in the first place and probably why you even know that it exists.
Much of that is my fault. Basically, when a company pays you (fairly well by the way) to write a specific number of articles on a daily basis in a timely fashion, but instead you download Evelyn Lin porns and call bama football fans faggots on message boards, employers hate that (to be fair, and I’m not pointing any fingers here, but there were never any rules that specifically mentioned Evelyn Lin by name).
But here we are now, and as far as I’m concerned it’s pretty god damn great. For about 3 years I’ve been saying that this current model of blog or website or whatever does not work. There’s no way to say this without sounding like a dickhead, but I’ve written online for a long time, and I very much helped invent the model every blog uses. It’s …
- Headline Picture
- Summary
- Quote
- Rude Comment/Joke
- Pictures
When I wrote Superficial and then co-created Tyler, there were like 3 other sites (Pink is the new Blog, Perez, called Page 666 at the time, and Defamer). Now every dickhead who’s ever gotten an “LOL” on a message board thinks he can write a website, and almost every single one follows that exact model.
And it does not work anymore. It simply does not. It’s 2013 and that old shit is not good enough. I know what to do and I have been begging to change things. It’s frustrating, and I apologize to people who read the page as I got more and more bored and annoyed.
And just to be perfectly clear, I’m not implying this is the fault of the people I work for. As many many ex-girlfriends will attest, I can be a pouty dickhead on a wide variety of topics. Despite that, for the most part, almost everyone was nothing but patient and fair. They just had a different opinion.
But now we have a new CEO, and I think things can finally change, which is why today could be great. I’m actually optimistic as hell. It won’t be today, but soon.
So that’s where things stand now. Again, I really do apologize for the way things have been handled lately. Just please hang out a little longer. I’m still gonna write the page and post much earlier and more often, and I really want to find a second writer (preferably a girl so I look like less of a misogynistic dick) so just don’t bail yet. If nothing else, even the blank pages with nothing on them are funnier than Two And A Half Man.
xoxox
Brendon
hit me up on twitter if you have any questions; I’ll get to as much as a I can
It’s about god damn time man!
good to have you back
the reason I came to this site was a link from With Leather
there have been ups and downs, but it is good you are re-focused
now tits or GTFO…
Registering for the first time to reply back.
I’ve been reading this site for a few years, Ralph over on the Kevin & Bean Show on KROQ first started mentioning your site way back in the early days of it’s existence.
This is the best post you’ve made in years, by far. Bring me something new, this type of blog has become stale, it’s a generic formula that is getting worse all the time.
Blow this up, you’re always better being out in front of the pack.
I read this blog years ago, probably 4-5 years back. Then just came back today and read this. Blogs like this depend on repeat business
glad to hear things are working out.
Dude- Welcome back, stay off the pills and write us the funny and show me tits, ass and some puss… We get it, work sucks sometimes, even if it’s this blog, don’t melt over that shit though, it’s not worth it. Looking forward to your future.
I hope you’re not thinking of becoming “nice”. Fuck that – these celebrities deserve what they get most of the time. Fuck, if I was a millionaire in the public eye it’s not like some stupid words on the internet would mean one lick of difference, anyway.
I can’t believe you get paid for this. Neither can you, apparently.
This website has completely changed the way I insult people online, and for that it’s invaluable.
let me start off by saying I love the site…….. the few years ago version.
Where have the tits gone to?
Even with buzzmedia ownership, I still see Egotastic posting tits every other post.
Did you really just end you post with xoxox? Should it have read XanaX?
Well, shit, after a year of absence and 4 years on the site, I guess I have a reason to come back…now if we can only find the rest of the assholes who lived here.
…well…maybe. We’ll see.
That post was not funny at all. And it was too long. I remember talking to you when you left Superficial and they started their forums and it was all unpleasant and whatnot and I have stuck with you since then.
I just hope your plan is not to turn into the Chive. I hate those dicks.
Yeah, you invented blogging.
I guess I’m late to the party. I still think your stuff is great and if you stopped writing stuff, I would have to find you and punch you in the man sack. You write stuff the way news should be written.
Keep doing what you’re doing
So is this the 10th time you’ve apologized for sucking and promised an improvement?
“You write stuff the way news should be written.”…you mean copying from TMZ and then add a snarky little sentence? Yeah a real Edward R Murrow. You probably think Entertainment Tonight is “news” too.
Flame the fuck on. Flame. On.
Dont let that monkey take you down bro.
Very nice to have you back!
Yeah, like a lot of people coming out of the woodwork here, I’m a long-time reader, and rare commentor. In fact, I’ve commented once ever, a few years back, and I think it was to call everyone in the thread an asshole for not noticing that the girl in “Alice in Wonderland” looks like Aurora Snow. But I couldn’t remember the username or password for that old account, so I just registered a new one, to say this:
You know, I liked it a lot more when the story was the you were on drugs. That shit was at least entertaining. But, now I gotta feel sorry for you because you don’t like your job? Boo. Fucking. Hoo. You get paid “quite well” to write bullshit celebrity posts, at most 4 a day, that average less than 200 words each, and I’m supposed to shit myself with joy because you weren’t fired being to lazy to produce content?
You don’t like your job? Join the fucking club. When was the last time you had a real job that made you really work? I spend 10 hours a day in a fucking office where I can barely keep up with everything I need to get done. I get paid well too, but I’d rather stand on my head and piss on my own face than do this for a living. To sit at home and write 4-5 posts about Lindsay Lohan every day would be living the fucking dream.
Truth be told, this whole meltdown over the last week was the most entertaining thing that has happened on this site in a few years. “Guest” writers showing up, and everyone going apeshit about it… posts being deleted… speculation, etc. I’ve been logging in every day this week, instead of checking it once a week, like I have been for the last year, because why would I bother to check it more? I was really hoping for some kind of a kickass turn of events to explain the absense, but BOREDOM? Give me a fucking break.
I agree that some of the dreaded other writers don’t quite have the same savoir faire, but they’re not THAT bad. I don’t remember who posted it a few days ago, but someone said “There’s millions of funny people on the internet”. It’s true. There are lots of people who can do this shit, and they’d do it with a smile. Count your fucking blessings, man.
Waiting to see what’s next
And let me know how I can help. I have a day job so I can do some work for free.
Actually all the blogs I get paid to write I slack off and do a shitty job with. Kind of like you I guess.
But no worries, I’ve been here for years and will stick around if you get your edge back.
How much does the face pissing thing pay?