Argo Wins Best Picture, Iranians Pissed

February 27, 2013 | celebrity | editor | 0 Comments

Having bet on Lincoln in my company office pool, I thought I was the most pissed dude in the world when Argo was announced as the Best Picture of the Year. But, no, it’s the Iranians.

According to the Christian Science Monitor, the Iranians, the official ones at least who are allowed to speak publicly without fear of anal floggings (yes, there is such a thing and I dare you to Google it on your work computer) are dismissing Argo as a piece of politically motivated crap to make Iran look like, well, kind of like the entire rest of the world imagines Iran to be like.

In response, the Iranians are producing their own film, The General Staff, about the hostage crisis that shows how kindly the upstart revolutionary co-eds were in making sure the American hostages were treated with care and respect, though nobody will comment on the captives being forced to eat Persian food for over 400 days straight. That’s fucking brutal.

Naturally, the Iranian government has shut down all theaters where Argo might be shown and threatened to imprison anybody who says a kind word about the film, though in true banana republic fashion, it is worth noting that bootleg DVD copies of Argo are readily available in Tehran markets for about a buck.