Just How Fucking High Was Kristen Stewart?

By colin February 25, 2013 @ 12:54 PM








Hollywood ranks as the third biggest dank-smoking industry in the world, right behind the National Basketball Association and South American Air Traffic Controllers, so it’s no surprise that somewhere around 68.9% of actors and actresses are puffing tough on Trainwreck at any given moment. But Kristen Stewart at the Academy Awards last night, she and that limp and that wicked unexplained arm bruise, she crashed through the ‘Bridge Out at 420′ sign and flew right off the embankment.

Kristen Stewart had quite a 2012. She compelled her Snow White director to chow down on her lunch box during union mandated production breaks, busting up his marriage to a hot Euro model, no less, she finally got her top off fully legit in On The Road, and in between giving the finger to paparazzi, broke up with her gay boyfriend who will certainly be missing that middle finger. She’s busy. And super fucking high.

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Check out Liberty Ross and her amazing legs and nipples. She’s the model whose director husband dove into Kristen’s breach face first and cost himself any shot at ever tweaking those nipples again in bed.

Photo credit: INF

wwtdd

(18) Comments

  1. avatar
    raine_31 02/25/2013 13:02

    Sweet mother, the wanker that wrote this is sooooo fuckin douchy.

    Get a clue fuckface.

  2. avatar
    MacDaddy 02/25/2013 13:08

    I met this woman at a gallery Opening last year. Total fucking Cunt-rag! She’s a Nobody who thinks she’s the Queen of England. He may have just fucked Stewart to get away fro her

  3. avatar
    FlowersforAlAnon 02/25/2013 13:16

    “But Kristen Stewart at the Academy Awards last night, she and that limp and that wicked unexplained arm bruise, she crashed through the ‘Bridge Out at 420′ sign and flew right off the embankment.”

    OOF.

    What the hell kind of sentence structure is that? Are you foreign?

  4. avatar
    deliminator 02/25/2013 13:18

    “colin” needs some serious work on sentence structure and grammar. This is probably the best of the “tryouts” thus far. Do NOT take that as a compliment.

  5. avatar
    Paulyaul 02/25/2013 13:26

    This has got to be some 19 year old frat-bro intern. “puffing tough on Trainwreck”, “chow down on her lunch box”. High School’s over man, try wit.

  6. avatar
    sofakingawesome 02/25/2013 13:32

    Are you fucking retarded Collin? This is a serious question. This was the dumbest shit I’ve ever read.

  7. avatar
    deliminator 02/25/2013 13:33

    “Let’s go puff tough and pound some snatch bro”

  8. avatar
    Dannyboyeee 02/25/2013 13:35

    I’m pretty sure that Bill, Photo Boy, and Colin are all the same person. They all have the same shitty, retarded writing style.

  9. avatar
    Wtf really 02/25/2013 13:39

    Well now I know what the writers of entourage are doing since the show ended

  10. avatar
    Rage 02/25/2013 13:48

    I know you only have a few minutes between Pre-Algebra and Health Studies to write for the site; but you are in the big league now.

    Step your game the fuck up bitch!

  11. avatar
    Lick-it 02/25/2013 13:53

    Did she show her tits…?

  12. avatar
    Lick-it 02/25/2013 13:55

    Where are the avatars…..???

  13. avatar
    Swoosh 02/25/2013 14:02

    Oh boy, I love how every post over the coming weeks will essentially get a “YOU SUCK” in the comment section, no matter who or what.
    The fill-ins will have a great time.

  14. avatar
    Colincantwrite 02/25/2013 14:12

    I literally just signed up to let Colin know what a horrible writer he is. I’m guessing English isn’t his first language as his syntax is incredibly bizarre.

    Also, he’s not funny in the least. I don’t care who writes this site and I ain’t loyal to anyone but at least have it be someone funny.

    Colin…YOU ARE AWFUL.

  15. avatar
    thejyav 02/25/2013 14:56

    If Bill’s plan is to bring in writers even worse than himself…congrats Colin is a good start.

  16. avatar
    fiddlebom 02/25/2013 15:05

    I’m just curious, is there some mandate at Uproxx that says, “You have one shot at writing your post:, no editing, no spell check, no recourse.”

    There are ESLA kids who can get across their points with less trouble…

  17. avatar
    BaggahMcGuirk 02/25/2013 16:44

    Seeing as how she used crutches to walk down the red carpet, I’m guessing she was on pain killers. Also, unless you’ve never smoked weed before, you don’t act like that. And by calling it trainwreck you’ve proven to everybody here you don’t smoke, so don’t try to write about stuff you know nothing about. Atleast Bren understood drugs enough to talk about them intelligently.

  18. avatar
    Tipped 02/27/2013 19:27

    i agree with dannyboyeeee. I think they are the same person. either that or buzz truly doesn’t give a shit about who they hire. I hope to god they are reading all these comments

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