Sex Dolls Won’t Really Catch On Til They Look Like This

By Ellis Red February 27, 2013 @ 6:29 PM

I’ve never understood the draw of those faceless sex toys they sell for men to experience the joy of pussy without having to work or pay or beg for it. I understand the appeal of the ease of access, but I’m in the camp that if you don’t care what you’re sticking your dick into so long as you get off, you’re just a hop, skip, and a jump away from being rousted by the cops at a truck stop glory hole.

Sex dolls for the 99-percent won’t catch on until they look and feel like Maria Menounos. Maybe ten years from now, maybe fifty, but at some point, there are going to be warm, comforting, exact replicas of women like Maria who never say they’re too tired or on the rag or that they know you’d rather fuck their sister than them so why not go and do that. At that point, you’re going to want to have your money in the sex doll companies.

Photo credit: WENN/FameFlynet

(35) Comments

  1. avatar
    Lick-it 02/27/2013 18:36

    AS WE used to say here….FIST…!!

  2. avatar
    Lick-it 02/27/2013 18:39

    FYI…..Maria Menuonos HAS appeared in bikinis in her forgotten past……

  3. avatar
    Shank Peters 02/27/2013 19:15

    So, you make a post about sex dolls and how you don’t want to fuck one…. then you find a picture of this chick fully clothed and say ” Oh I’d fuck one if she looked like this….” Really? How about, ” If I had a sex doll that look like Maria Menounos, I would stretch the vag out and wear it around like a hat because that’s how I roll….”

  4. avatar
    Lick-it 02/27/2013 19:20

    Shank….well said…..PLEASE apply for the writer’s position….

    …the comment above ALONE qualifies you over and above more than 90% of current Internet writers already….

  5. avatar
    ThisSiteIsGayPornography 02/27/2013 19:22

    The bikini link was nice. I always thought this chick was too skinny, but she actually has some decent curves in the link.

  6. avatar
    PunkA 02/27/2013 19:24

    Waist up she is perfect. Pretty face. But she got some chunk in those thighs.

  7. avatar
    Tipped 02/27/2013 19:42

    Brendan’s twitter account

  8. avatar
    barondavis 02/27/2013 19:43

    I’ve been a follower of Brendon for 1/5 of my life. His shit was clever, amusing and unique. BuzzMedia came up and bought the site and turned it into a hippos dirty butt hole. I am an owner of a company that replicates the style of what Brendon did. We’re successful. We’re trying to change the format, but Brendon was right… Bill and the trite league of shit-ass writers will not bring a smile to my face because the good writers aren’ t writing on this site. Brendon, bring back 2006.

  9. avatar
    Lick-it 02/27/2013 19:52

    Baron….what company..??

  10. avatar
    barondavis 02/27/2013 19:54

    lick-it, send me your email address and i’ll let you know.

  11. avatar
    jmagic 02/27/2013 20:05

    This writing is so terrible. I keep coming back everyday because its a daily habit and I am hoping to see a site update from Brendan saying he got his site back. Every single post is two gigantic, never ending paragraphs with zero whit contained in each. Great formula

  12. avatar
    PunkA 02/27/2013 20:19

    the blemish is where it is at now.

    Good writing peeps. Low traffic.

  13. avatar
    barondavis 02/27/2013 20:45

    Here are the five sites I visit each morning beefwhore work:
    1: deadspin
    2. WWTDD

    * #2 sucks monkey nuts now. I’ve replaced it with

    and just for shits & gigs,

  14. avatar
    Lick-it 02/27/2013 20:57


  15. avatar
    Butt Plug 02/27/2013 21:03

    I think Lick-It just made a date to get it up the ass.

  16. avatar
    Butt Plug 02/27/2013 21:06

    I once knew an Observer.

    Then he slept with my brother.

    It broke my heart.

  17. avatar
    SpaceMonkey 02/27/2013 21:47

    Bookmark deleted. So long shit heads.

  18. avatar
    PudKnocker 02/27/2013 22:06

    Can we gat back to dreaming about Maria’s hairless pussy, which we all should have seen when she had that bikini bottom malfunction.

  19. avatar
    Pener 02/27/2013 22:12

    So long Space Monkey, I for Juan will not miss jew…
    True story

  20. avatar
    Pener 02/27/2013 22:18

    I love the new place. It smells like a 15 year old Bieber’s ass.
    Now that Brendon is gone, and I hope for good. Can you please unban the other posters?
    Lift the fucking IP ban and email bans… Your count in posts will go over 100

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