So You Want to Be a Belittled Writer….?

By colin February 26, 2013 @ 1:13 AM

Despite the ardent few who have booked flights for Guyana to sip the crimson juice, we’ve been receiving a mass of letters from those requesting to fill the shoes of the former Messiah. Hey, the king is dead, long live the king, and all that nonsense.

If you’ve ever thought to yourself, hey, I could write for WWTDD, I mean, I am awake most days and the library lets me bring my cough syrup into the community room. Fuck yeah, why not get dispensed a few bills for my self-perceived brilliance.

If you’re interested in expanding the semi-literate spread on WWTDD.com, write us via the email address under ‘contact’ on the nav bar. Tell us ever so briefly why you’re good for a gig. Include links to at least three samples of your work online. Don’t fucking Rickroll me!

wwtdd

(31) Comments

  1. gkline 02/26/2013 01:50

    Sorry, but today’s posts haven’t even come close to “semi-literate”. And not even a good picture of tits. Yeah, this exactly==>self-perceived brilliance.

  2. bartsimpson123 02/26/2013 01:54

    Does this job pay? lol

  3. styckx 02/26/2013 02:07

    You dumb motherfuckers don’t get it.. You can’t replace Brendon. Brendon was this site and the site was Brendon. It’s going to go over as well as when they made Paul Rodgers the new lead singer of Queen after Freddy died.. People went to Queen concerts to see Freddy.. People went to WWTDD to read Brendons take on shitty pop culture. Why don’t you use some of that copy-pasta content cash from Buzzfeed to get him that help.. Investing into your investments will produce a reward long term..

  4. EricClipperton 02/26/2013 02:11

    After realizing he couldn’t write at least half as cleverly about celebrities and tits as a bored, drug-addled douchebag with a semen-stained iPhone and stolen wifi, Bill and his various sockpuppets sat down with the commenters of WWTDD and a nice man in a pink shirt who said he was just here to help.

    ‘Bill, your behavior has affected my life negatively in the following ways:

    I had to stop downloading asian massage porn for five minutes to change my twitter handle so i don’t get sued by a bunch of people I don’t know but used to pay me money to be really whiny about typing out some bullshit for a type of blogging I invented that the internet stole from me. But don’t worry, I’ll be better on Monday. Also, I just took like five klonapin so I don’t even know if that made sense.’

    Bill was so moved by the show of support that he was able to finally do something he hasn’t been able to do for years: post a picture of a blurry nipple.

    If you or anyone you know is struggling with being a shitty blogger, send me an email and we’ll give you a job. You are not alone.

  5. thewhiterhino 02/26/2013 02:14

    gkline nails it. You can’t even post a good picture of a set of titties! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE? I haven’t had to log in for years. Years worth of an awesome website is dying within a couple of days. Sweet baby Jesus.

  6. thatcreep 02/26/2013 02:24

    Good call, because today was a bunch of unintelligible crap. Good luck.

  7. lawgod 02/26/2013 02:28

    Dear Lord, bring back Brendon. Pay him what he wants. Shine his frigg’n shoes. Give him a coupon for Asian massage. Whatever the fxxk he wants, give it to him.

    You ask why?

    Because your readership is circling the drain…….circling the drain……If you don’t have the readership, then you won’t get the ad revenue and this site will die.

    Seriously, eat your humble pie and bring him back

  8. lopezrun 02/26/2013 02:32

    Hire this guy http://www.gevastation.com to me he is the closest to Branden I’ve read.

  9. anastrophe 02/26/2013 03:03

    This site has been one of my permanent open tabs for most of the last seven years.

    Today, I close it. RIP wwtdd.com. It’s just not wwtdd without brendon, no matter who you might find to take over. The site was brendan.

    yay corporate borging.

  10. hherpes 02/26/2013 03:04

    Any dumbass with a computer could run the site at this point.

  11. deliminator 02/26/2013 03:21

    You know you’re in bad shape when you have to beg the READERS to file a job application. How is it possible that you have nobody in the pipeline with any talent whatsoever?

  12. cinthecity 02/26/2013 03:33

    Holy shit just please fucking stop posting to this site unless Brendan comes back. You are embarrassing yourselves so badly I feel physically awkward at my desk.

  13. redneckwordsofwisdom 02/26/2013 04:04

    Why not? Can’t do worse than Run-on Bill.

  14. Not A Plant 02/26/2013 04:40

    This shit is embarrassing.

    Fucking. Clownshoes.

  15. zionium 02/26/2013 04:58

    Dear BuzzMedia,

    Here is some honest feedback from someone who has been in your seat, as well as Brendon’s. I’ve founded, grown, and sold media companies. You’ve actually been one of our customers. And, all long the way, I’ve been the founderish brat you’ve grown to hate.

    The reason Brendon doesn’t give a shit is because he knows his child is toxic — doomed to something less than is desirable. Great, he gets/got paid well. He doesn’t care. Because the most demotivating thing one can encounter is to create something with infinite freedom, watch that freedom be removed, and then be forced to sit by, obediently, and contribute to the inevitable death of that which he created.

    WWTDD is dying. It’s been dying for a while now, regardless of who writes it. No one you hire will turn around traffic if WWTDD stays in its current form. No one. No. Fucking. Anybody. This includes Brendon.

    So, if maximizing minimizing returns is your thing, then milk WWTDD. But the only way to truly maximize profits is with Brendon, for eternity. Otherwise, this starts to look a lot like Digg v4. Remember that mass exodus? Well, it’s happening, here, yesterday.

    However, if you actually want to turn things around, then you have to learn to work with Brendon.

    The primary hope for WWTDD is to listen to whatever new ideas he has. Yeah, he’s kind of full of shit and takes credit for things like, “I invented headline/picture/text” blogging. But I’m full of shit too. So are passionate people in general, because they’re stubborn and infinitely certain. But that’s okay.

    WWTDD isn’t as good as it was in, say, 2006. I read a few posts from back then today (pictures missing and all) and I laughed more in 15 minutes than I have reading WWTDD in the past year. This may resemble a bad thing.

    But I also read Brendon’s twitter from the past few days, and I laughed more in 1 minute than I have reading WWTDD in the past year. So, whatever sense of humor once existed still does. Pulling it out and monetizing it is the trick.

    How? Let him do whatever the hell he wants to do. No oversight. No deadlines. No progress reports. No nothing. Let him create on his own terms. There is no compromise in creation. The compromise is, thereafter, you own whatever he creates.

    Except you don’t. Because you fired him.

    So bring him back. Get him to approve of people writing WWTDD for him (for the time being). Allow him to chime in whenever he wants. Let him mock how bad the writers are in his own posts and comments.

    And, mainly, let him work on the next evolution or whatever the hell WWTDD is destined to become. There’s no better cure for uselessness than inspiration. So allow him to be inspired, and see what happens.

    The end.

  16. Al Bundy 02/26/2013 05:05

    >You know you’re in bad shape when you have to beg the READERS to file a job application. How is it possible that you have nobody in the pipeline with any talent whatsoever?<

    THIS

  17. ppcasm 02/26/2013 05:17

    This post brought to you by colon.

  18. random_waffle 02/26/2013 06:05

    today i signed up to this site. why? to some of you it is dying. to some of you it is already dead.

    it is simple; i want to know when Brendan comes back.

    I’ve followed this site for years, through depression, suicide, heartbreak, my parents dying of cancer in the space of 5 years… this site kept me going, gave me a reason to laugh.

    being in australia i would have to wait till tuesday till this was updated, but i was patient, it gave me somethihng to read on the lonely saturdays.

    i’ll stick around for a bit, but if the man doesnt show, then this gets deleted. i cant watch as this fantastic site dies.

    please,someone give a shit and bring him back, for the readers sake.

    RW

  19. TellYourMomToStopCallingMe 02/26/2013 08:42

    Nice post, Colin. This is much better writing than yesterday.

  20. I Blogged Your Mom 02/26/2013 10:46

    You people are all so full of shit it’s incredible. All you fucking pussies whining about not coming back to this site, and deleting your bookmarks need to take your pants down and check to see just how inflated your labia are. None of you are even man enough to be wearing your ovaries on the outside.

    If you really hated this site that much why bother even saying any of that? Just do it. Delete the bookmark. Don’t come back. No, instead, you felt the need to spend time logging into this site, writing out an idiotic comment, and then what? I’ll tell you what – you’re going to come back 8 times today checking to see if anyone referenced your comment. You say you’re going to leave, but just like every tween on Facebook, you just wanted to create your little drama.

    Good job ladies, you wrote a comment on a site you hate. I hope you post a link on your Facebook page about how you told off the big bad corporate bloggers. Shut the fuck up. When your neighbor’s wi-fi is strong enough again, you can check to see if anyone responded to your pitiful bullshit.

    This was longer than it needed to be, and longer than any of your stupid fucks deserve. Don’t act like you won’t be back on this page everyday, multiple times a day, to check the comment. You know it. I know it. Buzzmedia knows it. You are all fucking jokes, and you suck at life.

    P.S. Have a nice day.

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