Chris Brown Tries Not to Be a Dick, Fails

By Johnny Redd March 07, 2013 @ 1:50 PM

People who point to Chris Brown beating on Rihanna as the sign of his douchebaggery just aren’t digging deep enough. Chris Brown is a shit stain on so many levels, hitting a woman only scratches the surface. But is Chris really to blame or does life just keep throwing him curveballs?

What’s a top bottom verstaile R&B star to do when your bodyguard is not giving you respect? You’ve got to kick his ass off your private jet refueling in Bermuda. Pal or no pal, your bodyguard has to give you your propers. Did he forget somewhere over the Atlantic that you’re the fucking Chris Brown?

And when a valet at a kids’ bowling alley charity event asks you for $10 to cover your parking, you’ve got to get your up in his grill and lay some knowledge on him as to who he’s fucking with. Did he not see your signature diamond earring studs? Dumbass valet. You’re lucky you didn’t get capped.

Someday, Chris Brown is going to get his comeuppance. Hopefully it won’t be a bullet through his arm by Jimmy from Degrassi or some shit like that where he gets to brag about his gangster lifestyle . More like a deep bowel ass-raping by an escaped Russian circus bear. That’s hard to spin into street cred.


(9) Comments

  1. avatar
    Da Bunk 03/07/2013 14:34


  2. avatar
    cmon now 03/07/2013 15:08

    i’m a long time reader, first time commenter. i just had to register to say that the writing on this blog really sucks now. this post for example, i respect your intentions of writing something witty, cynical and funny – but the writing is just horrible. whoever is doing posts these days is trying way too hard. its just.. ugh. lame garbage.

  3. avatar
    TheBlackReturns 03/07/2013 16:38

    “ass raping by an escaped Russian circus bear”

    Made me laugh.

  4. avatar
    gkline 03/07/2013 17:26

    Johnny, you should take your Ritalin BEFORE going to work.

  5. avatar
    TheGirlRye 03/07/2013 20:14

    Jimmy from Degrassi?



    Did my teen sister decide to give it a try here?

    Fucking. Terrible.

  6. avatar
    TheGirlRye 03/07/2013 20:15

    Also, what is a top bottom versatile r&b star?

  7. avatar
    NeverBrook 03/07/2013 20:32

    I think it means the writer thinks Chris Brown is secretly gay. As in he is a top and a bottom. But I am just guessing because as usual the writing is terrible and i can’t tell for sure.

  8. avatar
    roblowe69 03/07/2013 20:33

    Who writes this shit now? It’s literal unedited trite. Does punctuation and sentence structure no longer count? Garbage. At least have the respect to shut the site down, rather than discredit what many of us have enjoyed for years.

    I would check this place regularly, even when the former writer failed to update it for days– even weeks at a time. Now, I check it once and am disappointed at the bullshit that disgraces these pages.

  9. avatar
    Al Bundy 03/07/2013 23:39

    My god, this post was all over the place without getting anywhere.

You must be to post a comment.