I’ve learned over time to ignore the first half of whatever a celebrity says. Unlike a politician or a priest, where it’s best to ignore it all, or Socrates, when it’s wise to listen from the get-go, with celebrities, generally, the first half of what comes out of their mouth is pretense and bullshit, the second half reveals the truth. Like Jessica Brown Findlay. She played the hot sister in the first couple of seasons of Downton Abbey, that show about British aristocrats that is just like every other show ever about British aristocrats. Jessica Brown Findlay says she terribly regrets going nude in the movie Albatross a couple years ago. She was young and naive and didn’t realize she could say ‘no’ to the creative direction. She regrets it so much, she did it again this year in the BBC movie Labyrinth (you can see her boobs in Labyrinth here if you like, and if you don’t like, ask yourself why).
“I think if you’re going to do a nude scene, be honest and natural. Otherwise I’d be starving myself for ever, which I just couldn’t do! The idea that actresses would work out at the gym for a thousand hours beforehand… it’s not something I would do again.”
— Jessica Brown Findlay to the Radio Times
So basically, you won’t go nude again because you’d have to workout to look good. Isn’t this what it’s really all about? No promises of modesty made to your dying grandmother or vows of male pleasure denial made before your feminist sisters in arms. You’re just lazy. Do you realize what people with real jobs have to do to get paid? God forbid you have to hit a few Pilates classes like Charlize Theron and Emmy Rossum so we can see you naked onscreen, brighten our lives a little. Here’s a solution — go buy yourself a couple oversized FUBU sweatshirts and take a job at a sandwich shop. People will still offer you money to get naked, but it won’t be enough to tempt you.