It’s About Time for a Kicked Up National Anthem

By Michael March 06, 2013 @ 1:51 PM

There is a new White House petition to change the national anthem to R. Kelly’s Ignition (remix). The song about going to the club, drinkin’, ridin’ in a stretch Navigator, and gettin’ yo freak on has already garnered 4300 signatures. The current anthem was written by Francis Scott Key after watching a flag in Baltimore harbor survive Limey bombardment during the war of 1812. You have to admit it’s a little dated. It uses words like “O’er” and “Thou” and is about a war no one even remembers. If it was about killing Nazis with a pen knife during WWII, now that would be the shit. Still, R. Kelly is probably the closest thing we have today to a national poet. I mean, he did write a concept album in which a dwarf shits his pants and R. is doing a guy in the poop shoot while dating another man’s wife. If that doesn’t give him the chops to write the anthem for the greatest country to ever exist, then I don’t know what does.

(11) Comments

  1. avatar
    Lick-it 03/06/2013 13:59

    Are the opening words…..

    “Oh, piss can you spray….in an underage face?”

    “What so awkwardly bobbed in the face of an eager young girl….”

    “Oh say does that urine so warmly spray her…….”

    “O’er the teeth and the lips…..and then some prison trips..”

  2. avatar
    RangerLG 03/06/2013 14:06

    Yes! Let’s just pee all over the National Anthem. Just what this country needs.

  3. avatar
    Raymond K. Hessel 03/06/2013 14:08

    …just jumped the shark.

  4. avatar
    RangerLG 03/06/2013 14:10

    Apologies to Lick-It for ripping off part of the joke. It was just too easy.

  5. avatar
    cliffturner04 03/06/2013 14:11

    The word “thou” doesn’t appear anywhere in the Star Spangled Banner. Are you a fucking Canadian, or just an idiot?

  6. avatar
    WWTDDsux 03/06/2013 14:16

    “R. Kelly is probably the closest thing we have today to a national poet.”

    I’d say he’s as close as WWTDD staff being actual writers.

  7. avatar
    MacDaddy 03/06/2013 14:17

    That does it…..MacDaddy—OUT!

  8. avatar
    raine_31 03/06/2013 14:21

    Oh wow, this is terrible. Where did this even come from…?

    Stop reaching and writing so much. I can’t make it through any of these article any more.

  9. avatar
    Lick-it 03/06/2013 15:08


    …well done, sir…

  10. avatar
    jeffwezzy 03/06/2013 19:34

    2nd best part of this song besides the actual song is….He is rocking celtics gear and he is clearly Irish i mean his last name is Kelly

  11. avatar
    ThisSiteIsGayPornography 03/06/2013 20:41

    I’ve honestly been giving the new guys a chance. The posts are a little better, but they are still awful. Not sure how many puppet accounts are on here, but I am just one person. I’ll give this site one more week and then I’ll just give up after many years. WSHH is way more entertaining than wwtdd, perish the thought.

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