Leon’s Getting Larger

It’s just about time to blow the flute and order the Oompas to roll Kim Kardashian off to the juicing room as the world’s biggest merch whore swells with the gestation of her billion dollar bastard baby. If you believe the supermarket tabloids, and why the fuck not, Kim is so distraught over her changing body figure that she’s shoveling Butter Brickle into her gaping maw before, during, and after her sweaty workouts. She even touched Khloe’s food, and nobody touches Khloe’s food. Leave it to the reverse science of a moronic reality TV star to solve her ‘I’m getting so fat’ issues by hunkering down with a Pizza Hut Meat Lover’s XL.

Kim’s destiny is to be Spanx-girdled and lonely and covered in the sad memories of all the men who have cum before her. At least that big pile of cash she’s sitting on will soak up the tears.

Photo credit: FameFlynet