It’s hard to really hate Lindsay Lohan. She’s a fucked up former childhood star with an addiction problem she’ll probably carry to her premature demise. Her parents are two of the foulest, most self-serving jackasses to ever walk the face of this planet. Lindsay doesn’t seem to be violent in any way. Just supremely messed up and unable to stop self-medicating with booze and drugs. Still, she could easily hurt somebody else, especially when she decides it’s time to take a Sunday drive after nine cocktails and a snort of GHB. Lindsay probably deserves to be locked up or in monitored care somewhere. But nobody seems to want to put her in jail. Larceny, cocaine possession, multiple DUIs, multiple probation violations and the court seems to think rehab is the place for Lindsay, even if she keeps climbing out the bathroom window every time she’s there.
In her latest round of ‘I dare you to put me in the big house’, Lindsay avoided jail once more after admitting that she lied to the cops about not driving the Porsche that slammed into a truck last summer in Malibu. She got more community service and more rehab. The court threw psychological therapy on for good and pointless measure. The dudes down at the County Morgue where Lindsay does her service time are probably jacked.
It’s a tough call as to what to do with fucked up former childhood stars. Maybe a desert island packed with cocaine and weapons, push them out of a low flying helicopter and tell them the only way off the island is to find and kill Nicholas from Eight is Enough. At least it’d be sporting.