Selena Gomez Is The Greatest

By Travis March 11, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

According to people who listen to really shitty pop music, that above video of Selena Gomez and girls that she makes out with in my brain is what some people call a “diss track”. The intended target of Selena’s fiery rage is her twat of an ex-boyfriend Justin Bieber, whose downward spiral is apparently in full effect, but she just needs to get over his tiny pecker already and focus on our, I mean, her future.

But before she moves on, she has one hilarious story to tell about how her dad used to take her to Hooters all the time when she was a kid and she’d trick the big-breasted waitresses into becoming her new mommies.

“When I was 7, my dad would go to Hooters to watch [San Antonio] Spurs games,” the Texas native told Harper’s Bazaar magazine.

“But he started noticing that when I would come, with my little pigtails, all the waitresses would be like, ‘Hey!’ So he ended up half spending time with me but with all those cute girls coming over.”

The “Spring Breakers” star didn’t find her role creepy at all. She laughed it off: “And that became our thing.” (New York Post)

Of course that’s not creepy. That’s why every married man is in Hooter’s in the first place, because of that delusional hope that maybe, just maybe, one of those perky, bouncy, slutty waitresses will say, “When you’re done with those mediocre wings, I’d like to give you oral sex in the bathroom.” That’s why Hooters thrives and places like Bennigan’s with waitresses in pants are long gone.

(6) Comments

  1. avatar
    Maybe_Observer 03/11/2013 09:30

    I’d fuck Selena Gomez……because….well….I’m the type of guy who LIKES fuckin’…..

  2. avatar
    gkline 03/11/2013 11:06

    So, Travis is the WWTDD token gay writer? Must be if you’re bitching about Hooters.

  3. avatar
    LoK 03/11/2013 12:07

    love me some selena

  4. avatar
    Martin 03/11/2013 12:46

    Are you calling Travis gay for pointing out that Hooters exists to exploit the unrequited fantasies of people who aren’t getting laid, or for pointing out that their wings suck? Because either way that’s just idiotic.

    My original purpose for commenting was to say that given her parents were like 16 when she was born, I wonder if she’s super slutty or super prudish, but really smart about selling her sex appeal (which is that she’s 20 and still looks 14).

  5. avatar
    Martin 03/11/2013 12:48

    And at least you may actually be able to get a blowjob in the bathroom of a strip club, but those places suck do. You may as well light your cash on fire.

  6. avatar
    Al Bundy 03/11/2013 16:26

    This post was actually good and quite Brendon-like.

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