Candice Swanepoel Is All You Need to Sell Underwear

By Lex April 16, 2013 @ 4:15 PM

Candice Swanepoel Victoria's Secret Dream Angels 2013 Photo Shoot
I feel like I could run a woman’s underwear company. Step one, find that factory in Indonesia or China where all the world’s undergarments are sewn together by middle-school aged children. I can do that. Step two, haggle over prices. I’m a fucking grade-A haggler. I once talked a counter guy at McDonald’s into a lower price on my McNuggets because they’d been under the heat lamp. He could’ve lost his job. But I got him there. Step three. Hire a woman who looks like Candice Swanepoel to model your lingerie. Men buy tons because they think their lady will look like Candice if they pay $40 for a chemise (see, I already know the words). Women buy it to feel like they think Candice feels. I’m not even sure what that means, but it works. I make a fortune. I trade in my Apple Lisa for a better computer, take a spelling course, and finally get to writing my anthology of marsupials, nature’s most misunderstood mammals. Done.

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret

wwtdd

(9) Comments

  1. tsferg 04/16/2013 16:27

    This is actually a comment for your last post, but you got so much hate already Im posting it here.

    Jesus, this must be a punchable post if Ive ever seen one. JR Richard? Where would you ever get that from? Have you heard of google? I signed up for your site just so I could give the “author” of this “article” shit. Please beg the original guy to come back. I like that this site has more content, but shit like this is aggravating. Nicks?

  2. You_SUCK 04/16/2013 16:29

    Nicks????

    F
    U
    C
    K

    Y
    O
    U
    !
    !
    !
    !

  3. RangerLG 04/16/2013 16:35

    Swanepoel hot. We know. We want to see her tits, not her underwear.

  4. junk-punch 04/16/2013 16:51

    You guys are getting kinda light on the number of photos you like to show, huh? That’s all you could pull together for this post – 4 crappy photos? Shit, I can google “Candace Swanepool upskirt” and get 400+ photos.

  5. ItsNoGood 04/16/2013 16:54

    I’d rather DirecTV Genie… Hannah Davis

    http://images.starpulse.com/news/bloggers/10/blog_images/hannah-davis-19.jpg

    I’d love to rub her lamp…. if you know what I mean… *wink wink nudge nudge*

    See what I did there… I made a funny.

  6. Raymond K. Hessel 04/16/2013 18:56

    ↑↑↑ No you didn’t ↑↑↑

  7. Al Bundy 04/16/2013 19:26

    >I feel like I could run a woman’s underwear company<

    I wish you would. Anything that would get you off this site and keep you from posting 80% of the articles on here.

  8. woody 04/16/2013 20:19

    LEX dude WTF ??? Why so long winded? Jesus Christ what the f u c k are you talking about? Make it short and sweet. Like the Britney post. That was funny. When I get 3/4 thru this post I wanna put a gun in my mouth. When I get to the end I am just pissed cuz there is NO payoff.

  9. deliminator 04/17/2013 00:05

    “take a spelling course”

    Well at least you’re self-aware, Lex.

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