Florida Might Make Revenge Porn A Felony

Florida, also known as America’s dick Uncle who owes everybody money, is considering whether or not to make “revenge porn” illegal. This is the subgenre of spank flicks in which ex-boyfriends or girlfriends post old sex tapes with each other not meant for the general public. The law being discussed by the Florida legislature would also ban any pornography that is uploaded without the participant’s consent. It sounds like a good idea to this someday potential dad, but it has loopholes big enough for DVDA (the ‘D’ is for double, you guess the rest). It excludes anything that is taken in public. So, revenge minded fellas, remember to film yourself stuffing your girl by the pool, in a parking lot, or the men’s room at the Shoney’s. If you can see the sky or smell urinal cakes, you’re in the clear.

Of course, there’s really no 100% sure way of preventing somebody from uploading a sex tape of you onto the Internet, legal or not. Oh, wait, there is — don’t fucking make a sex tape.