Fuck You, Jennifer Aniston

By Sophie April 17, 2013 @ 1:58 PM

I don’t want to write this post because Jennifer Aniston WANTS me to write this post and I detest that woman more than my period getting in the way of a solid weekend of sex. Which, yes, I am currently on, so yes, I’m feeling extra cunty. Guys, just pretend all the TV networks got together and canceled all sports programming for a week. Then you can relate.

Jennifer Aniston attended Lifetime’s (the network where untalented stars go to die) Call Me Crazy premiere in Los Angeles last night. She wore her hair up in a strapless top, revealing odd “cupping” marks, the result of a form of Chinese medicine that’s meant to stimulate circulation.

Every girl knows that you look prettier with your hair down, especially if you’re a solid 6, which Aniston is even with the $8,000 she spends monthly to try and reach for an 8. Yet Aniston wore her hair up in a stupid pony tail in a stupid strapless outfit so we’d all see the marks and think ahh she must be so zen and interesting to try Chinese medicine! If that hippie shit works then where the babies at, Jen? Shit, I’m bloated.

(15) Comments

  1. avatar
    stealthyeheh 04/17/2013 14:26

    no one wants to know about your period.

    women really need to stfu.

  2. avatar
    SomeoneluvsU 04/17/2013 14:33

    She’s just demonstrating how she gets ready for a donkey punch

  3. avatar
    RangerLG 04/17/2013 14:37

    What is that freaking huge rock on her finger? Did she buy herself an engagement ring?

  4. avatar
    countpoopoo 04/17/2013 14:57

    Here’s hoping you aren’t having your period, and instead have ovarian cancer.

  5. avatar
    Blicero 04/17/2013 16:05

    A woman is hating on Jennifer Aniston? Could you BE anymore pandering? (ahem, Friends)

    It’s amazing how, as much as this site tries to distance itself from Brandon, they desperately ape all of his opinions.

  6. avatar
    GS 04/17/2013 16:51

    I understand that you are trying to make it in a man’s world on this site, but trying so hard and attempting to cram in as much vulgarity and “shock” tactics in each sentence just screams desperation. Tone it down and don’t be so obvious.

  7. avatar
    iamnicolefury 04/17/2013 17:03

    Ummmm, your posting skills need a LOT of work. This is one of the worst, unnecessary posts I have seen on here. You are trying way too hard sweetheart. mmmuahhh!

  8. avatar
    Lindsay 04/17/2013 17:54

    Unnecessary post is unnecessary. Terrible writer is terrible. Jealous skank is jealous.

  9. avatar
    hmills 04/17/2013 17:55

    So why is Brandon gone?

  10. avatar
    woody 04/17/2013 19:54

    What makes you think I want to hear about your period ???? EF the EF off for EF’s sake.

  11. avatar
    mikelindereatsgroin 04/17/2013 20:50


  12. avatar
    cropor 04/17/2013 21:10

    Looks more like vitiligo to me. I know because I has it and it’s a dick hole. It would piss me off if Aniston has it though because it would mean that I’d have to give a shit about her tard, never-disappearing ass.

  13. avatar
    Korun 04/18/2013 08:20


  14. avatar
    Treffer 04/18/2013 14:16

    u r to freakin fnunny!!! lmao

  15. avatar
    thanksformakingmeabetterwriterdipshits 04/18/2013 15:47

    Sophie, why do you do this to yourself? Are you a masochist, or just utterly delusional? You must read these threads, you must know that we’re not a bunch of miserable assholes who want to burn the site down just to see the embers (most of us, anyway). We just lament and despise the vaguely Brendon-esque caricature that now exists in the place of a once-great site.

    You have no voice, no style, no sense of structure or brevity, and worse of all, no idea how to craft or execute a joke. If you ever had any love for this site, roll away from your keyboard the next time you see the opportunity to offer your weirdly-misogynistic “girl’s POV”. It’s just, well, embarrassing.

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