Gwyneth Paltrow Isn’t Just Beautiful, She’s the Most Beautiful Fucking Creature Ever!!!!

By Lex April 24, 2013 @ 3:17 PM


Back in the day you had to offer your readers something of journalistic value to be called a magazine. Like Time or The New Yorker or Swank. But now you can kiss the ass of a female celebrity to score a front cover article by naming her the world’s most beautiful woman and pretend it’s for real. The card I got for my 4th birthday from my Nana that says ‘World’s Greatest Grandson’ carries more official weight. It’s not that Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t a reasonably attractive woman, and it’s not that whoever got named we wouldn’t be arguing over, but this is just so obvious. It’s like telling a girl at a bar at 1:30 am that muffin tops are super sexy on a lady. Just get the fuck out.

For her part, Gwyneth Paltrow reminds everyone in People that she’s just a humble gal who wears jeans and t-shirts around the house and let’s on that ‘her family makes her feel beautiful. Wow, Gwyneth. You are the World’s Most Beautiful Woman, Inside and Out.

(P.S. I love that a bunch of you wrote letters to us bitching about this decision. You are right. I’d rather nail Amanda Knox, at least we know she likes to get freaky.)

wwtdd

(8) Comments

  1. Doo Doo Fresh 04/24/2013 16:13

    She is definitely in my top 5 of “People I’d Like to Repeatedly Smash in the Head with a Brick” list. Being personally responsible for making her look like Teri Schiavo would be incredibly cool and I would even offer to post the video link on her stupid website.

  2. Jackazz 04/24/2013 16:22

    she’s not my type, she’s still alive.

  3. RangerLG 04/24/2013 16:37

    The actual cover reads “WORLD’S MOST PRETENTIOUS C U N T”

  4. Pitdoc 04/24/2013 18:55

    Fincher dealt with her best in SEVEN.. (Then Soderbergh did the same thing in CONTAGION- She’s got a very killable head)

  5. phil237 04/24/2013 18:58

    They use the same beauty editor as the West Virginia Bovine News uses, that has to be the answer, or else all of the hundred thousand better looking women in Hollywood must’ve passed away.

  6. The Mildly Tanned Knight 04/24/2013 19:21

    Not only is she a mediocre-looking woman….she’s old. Add to that she’s an insufferable Leftist elitist snob (and an obnoxious hypocrite).

    Seriously, there’s almost nothing to like about her other than the fact that she’s a pretty decent actress.

  7. mercury 04/25/2013 07:56

    “Old”? She’s only 40!

  8. Pottz 04/25/2013 15:38

    What’s your point?

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