Heidi Klum Did Rescue a Nanny from Drowning!

By Lex April 03, 2013 @ 3:58 PM

Wow, I feel like such a shitheel. Okay, yeah, son Henry did make it back to shore on his own okay during the harrowing Klum family Hawaiian vacation nightmare, but the nannies were in danger! Specifically one chunky nanny who’s not such a strong swimmer. A nanny for whom both Heidi and her former bodyguard turned Teutonic clitoral flicker both leapt into the raging knee deep waters of the mighty Pacific to rescue. And we have the photo proof! This is so exciting. Like when my Aunt Eve almost choked on a ham bone three Easters ago. And not just a tiny broken off bone bit. I mean the whole pig haunch femur. Aunt Eve loves a good dare. But nothing compared to the excitement and heroism on display from Heidi Klum. She got so chest proud from her rescue, her nipple popped out of her bikini. That’s serious pride.

It should be noted that unlike how she treats some of her household staff, Heidi did not fuck her nanny after the bold rescue.

Photo credit: AKM/GSI

(7) Comments

  1. avatar
    SkoDaddy 04/03/2013 16:17

    The writing is so odd here. Its not even funny. This story is old too. Thanks for playing.

  2. avatar
    Narcisyphus 04/03/2013 17:53

    God I hate registering. I just registered here to say stop it. This sucks, you all suck and I want Brendon back. Call him and apologize, tell him he can take as many painkillers as he wants and post twice a week if he wants to. Pay him more and apologize and bring him back. I’m just coming here to see if you’ve come to your senses, eventually we’ll all get tired of that.

  3. avatar
    Shortshanks 04/03/2013 19:07


    ….Brendon wanted a change…..do you follow him on twitter?

  4. avatar
    woody 04/03/2013 20:43

    Lex, Lex, Lex. You poor dumb bastard. First off this story is like a week old. Second, trying to get through your post is like listening to my 12 year old tell a joke badly. You really suck – on so many levels. I was sticking around for a while to read the funny comments CLOWNING on all the S H I T E new writers but that has dried up so ….. onward.

  5. avatar
    Narcisyphus 04/03/2013 22:04

    yes I follow him on twitter and I’ll follow him wherever he goes. But until he’s up and running somewhere there’s a hole where I used to get my snarky celeb news so I fill it with hating Buzz Media and what this site has become.

    “wanted a change” is typical entertainment speak for “ousted”. it’s a lot like “not a good fit” or “scheduling conflicts”.

  6. avatar
    Shortshanks 04/04/2013 09:50


    …there is no question Brendon was fired from THIS site….but he explicitly stated he wanted to change the “format” of celeb blogging and he repeated that on his Twitter……

    …I am not “artistic” so I have NO idea what he would do…..but I like “fu*cking funny” so I definitely would read him elsewhere……

  7. avatar
    TheBlackReturns 04/04/2013 10:50

    Am I the only person who thinks it looks like she is rescuing Neil Young?

You must be to post a comment.