Justin Bieber Shaves His Head to Reveal Even More Douche

God, Justin Bieber, what a fucking rockstar. I need an adult diaper my coochie’s so wet thinking about all the manly-man things he could do to me with that lil’ eyeliner highlighted peen of his. That short skinny little body with some Jesus street ink, and now he smokes weed and drives a Lamborghini. Fuuuuuuucccckkkk. That’s hot.

In Justin’s latest bid to show the world just how big his tiny nuts are, he followed in Miley Cyrus and Rihanna’s footsteps and shaved half his head in a new look I can only describe as the “Carpet Muncher Skrillex.”

Say what you will about Britney Spears, but if you’re a pop star looking to shave your head, go balls deep and do it like Brit did. Take the eraser and shave all your hair off yourself, then get photographed with the facial expression of Carrie at the prom covered in pig’s blood while being carried out strapped to a gurney. Biebs just paid a shit ton of money for some hairstylist to shave off part of his hair so he could look even more like the 8th grade girl who everybody kindly calls ‘eclectic’. Dick.