LeAnn Rimes Isn’t Anorexic and She Isn’t Quitting Twitter So STFU

Here’s how you know somebody is anorexic. They deny it. Also, they act all excited about going to the Hometown Buffet then just nibble on a piece of butter lettuce that was meant as display.

People said I was anorexic, but I didn’t have a problem with eating as I ate a ton all the time – I could eat my husband under the table! — LeAnn Rimes to the U.K. Daily Mail

Eating her husband under the table is key because when he’s down there she can discreetly regurgitate dinner into an oversized napkin.

So what did cause LeAnn to look so gaunt this past year or so? The stress. From all the negative comments about how she started sleeping with her current husband Eddie Cibrian while he was still married to Brandi Glanville and she was still married to some other poor sap. And, by negative comments, I think she means people reciting the facts of the case. The stress was so heavy, LeAnn had to check into stress rehab! Like when David Duchovny checked into sex rehab to stop boning so many women or Anne Heche checked into lesbian rehab to stop boning so many women. Total bullshit. But LeAnn did learn at stress rehab that she doesn’t need to quit Twitter to avoid all the negativity:

The block button’s a great thing – if you talk crap to me, I’ll just block you!

Whoa, easy there rexy chick. Not the block button! Another round of stress rehab and she might find the Report as Spam button. I think it’s fair to say that LeAnn’s life has really turned the corner. Nothing but smooth sailing ahead. Until she misplaces the grape she’s been nursing for her past five meals.