Miranda Lambert Isn’t Pregnant, She’s Fat

By Lex April 09, 2013 @ 8:28 AM

“I’m not pregnant. I just got fat over the holidays. Just a couple of cheeseburgers extra.” — Miranda Lambert

I’m going to call that true, false, false. Nobody gets fat from two extra cheeseburgers over the holidays. And, what holiday exactly? She said this at the end of March. The Vernal Equinox? The naming of the new Pope? Who didn’t see that black smoke coming out out of the Vatican and think, mmm, ribs? Miranda says she laughs off the crazy rumors that her country music artist husband Blake Shelton is going to dump her for another woman. But those brontosaurus burger drippings on her muumuu say different. She’s worried. And she should be. 87% of country music songs are about pussy the next town over.

In silver lining news, Miranda Lambert’s boobs are getting enormous.

Photo credit: Getty

wwtdd

(4) Comments

  1. avatar
    Shortshanks 04/09/2013 09:52

    A couple extra per meal….breakfast, second breakfast, lunch, dinner, etc etc etc..

  2. avatar
    GS 04/09/2013 10:35

    Wow Lex, you truly are a raging a-hole. Not only are you tanking the site with your poor copy of Brendon’s style but you attack teenagers for their weight and now a woman who, unlike any other celeb, seems completely human and funny and admits to flaws? What a piece of human garbage you must be.

  3. avatar
    RangerLG 04/09/2013 10:44

    I like me a good plumper. They give the best blow jobs since they try harder.

  4. avatar
    CMVenom 04/09/2013 14:29

    Sex with Miranda Lambert would be like a fight. A good, drawn-out, and nasty fight. Sign me up.

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