The Joker, James Holmes, Is Gonna Fry

By Michael April 01, 2013 @ 3:10 PM

The Joker is going to go ahead and skip Arkham Asylum and go straight to the morgue. Well, maybe. You’ll recall that James Holmes is the murdering sack of shit that killed 13 people and injured 70 others when he opened fire at a screening of Batman Rises. He was dressed like The Joker and is clearly batshit crazy, (zing!). His lawyers tried to bargain him for a life in prison if he pleaded guilty. They say he’s changed and embraced Islam…which isn’t really going to help him in Colorado. He should have gone for the ol’ found Jesus bit instead. His lawyers are, of course, now going to say that he was legally insane at the time of the killings. True, but so what? Let’s see if he’s insane enough to survive the electric chair. That’d be just like the movies.

(10) Comments

  1. avatar
    LoK 04/01/2013 15:19

    This retard is gonna go out like Donald Groves

  2. avatar
    SSGB 04/01/2013 16:28

    All the fun is leaving Colorado this last decade: it’ll be lethal injection instead of hanging. But yeah, going izzlamic is not making the lawyers’ day any easier ’round these parts.

  3. avatar
    Shortshanks 04/01/2013 16:49

    An insane Izzlamic……??? have him try on a vest……

  4. avatar
    KittyCat 04/01/2013 18:17

    Why do people keep saying he was dressed like the Joker? He was in SWAT gear and had orange hair. That’s not Joker at all.

  5. avatar
    barnaby.jones 04/01/2013 19:12

    “batman rises”
    batman rises?
    i am clearly skirting right over the point here but seriously, i don’t even

  6. avatar
    barnaby.jones 04/01/2013 19:13

    oh and also, you know, good. i hope he goes crispy like bacon.

  7. avatar
    Come On Man 04/01/2013 19:22

    The movie is called “The Dark Knight Rises,” you write on the internet and you don’t know that? Or even how to google it? And like the other commenter said, he was not dressed like the Joker. That’s something soccer mom’s heard one time on Fox News that night and keep repeating today even though it’s not even close to true. Take 3 seconds and look it up, or get an editor who does their job. We shouldn’t be doing this for you.

  8. avatar
    barnaby.jones 04/01/2013 19:24

    ^ hero

  9. avatar
    Knoughah 04/05/2013 21:33

    The insanity defense works far less often than people realize. Some states don’t even allow it. And if by some miracle you are judged not guilty by diminished mental capacity, you don’t get out of punishment; you go to an inpatient mental facility for a duration that is usually far m– OH JESUS COLON BLOWING CHRIST, “BATMAN RISES”? “BATMAN RISES.” THAT’S WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW.

  10. avatar
    thanksformakingmeabetterwriterdipshits 04/14/2013 17:51

    I used to be a devoted follower of this site back when Brendon wasn’t going through whatever it is that happend. I went to other blogs after a while to satisfy my daily dose of Schadenfreude, but as soon as I heard there was a new team of fresh, “edgy” writers on the job, I came back to see what’s up.

    Let me tell you, this site is again my #1. Talk about a one stop shop of tits (at least we get 6+ posting a day again), genuinely eviscerating comic genius (only in the comments section), but most importantly, as someone who burns on the inside at the smallest grammer/spelling error or long-winded, self serving rant that only belongs in an ignorant youtube comment, a better influence than any high school teacher ever had.

    Parting shot: Sophie, nothing personal, but with all your confusing, ironic misogyny, you’ve become a beautifully pure contradiction that’s worthy of appreciation. Girls can’t write for shit, please find a new job for your own sake.

    Cheers and keep up the good work.

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