This Is How A Kelly Brook Sex Tape Starts

Poor Kelly Brook. On Saturday, the curvy swimsuit model was bummed about not spending Easter with her boyfriend and English rugby star Danny Cipriani, so she posted the above image to her Instagram account. While I have no reason to believe that Brook and Cipriani have made a sex tape, I’m going to assume that they have, because they’ve clearly perfected the “Hey, this camera is on, let’s have sex in front of it” look.

Obviously, the next step will be that Brook and Cipriani deny that any kind of sex tape exists, and then they’ll admit that it does exist and they made it as a private expression of love between two people. After that, they’ll claim that someone stole one of their laptops and someone at Vivid or YouPorn will claim that a private party is trying to sell the tape. Brook will act like she’s furious and threaten to sue, even though it can’t be released unless she and Cipriani sign off on it, but then the video will be “leaked” and she’ll sign a 7-figure deal for her own reality show.

Granted, this is all hypothetical, but I’m a natural optimist.