Women Dressing Slutty Causes Earthquakes, Says Iranian Nutjobs

By Jack April 23, 2013 @ 11:55 AM

Scientists in Iran have discovered the cause of earthquakes: slutty women. And you thought it was shifting tectonic plates? Oh, silly infidel. Iran’s Hobbit president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad predicted that an extremely powerful earthquake will hit Tehran and kill millions because some women in his country don’t want to dress like frumpy ninjas. But it’s not like he just made it up. He has scientific evidence from a fellow wacko. Cleric and seismologist Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi told Iranian media:.

“Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes.

This is why politics, religion, and science need to be kept apart. I took geology in college, and though I don’t remember the difference between slate and basalt, I can tell you that women dressing promiscuously doesn’t cause earthquakes. Sure, California where it’s warm and the girls often dress quite revealing is known to get the occasional temblor. But that’s purely coincidental. Have you ever been to Florida? I’ve seen $5 crackhead prostitutes that dress more modestly than the chicks in Miami. If dressing like a harlot led to earthquakes Florida would have fallen into the sea by now. Rest assured Mahmoud that the next time you feel the ground shake, it won’t be from unchaste women, it’ll likely be a bunker buster wake-up call.

wwtdd

(9) Comments

  1. avatar
    Never Say Nevers Again 04/23/2013 12:02

    To whom it may concern,

    Firstly I’d like to parody the letters I’ve never read in Penthouse magazine by saying I’m a long time reader, first time poster. I’ve been reading these pages for the best part of a decade and honestly I’ve never paid much attention to any of the “behind the scenes” happenings.

    I never read the comments. I never took any notice of who was producing the content. I never knew the original owner/writer of this site’s name was Brandon. Or Brenden. Or a hybrid of the two. Until recently.

    All I knew is that when I opened my browser this was the first place I’d venture.

    Before facebook, before I checked my emails, before I Don’t Like You In That Way, before The Superficial and yes, before Egotastic. Why? Because I knew it would be the funniest thing I’d read all day. In a “Do you want the good news, or the bad news?” situation I always go for the good news first.

    Simple as that. Oh, and yes, sometimes there would be boobs. But it would be boobs with a small sliver of social commentary. (If nothing else remember this; because it is important.)

    Retrospectively I now realise that posts simply about boobs does not a blog make. Nor do weird political rants without any point. Or taking potshots at hipsters. Or rambling posts that eventually mock a celebrity merely because they are a celebrity.

    If nothing else there needs to be some small remnant of social commentary (Remember? Important) otherwise, no matter how many words you type, YOU ARE NOT SAYING ANYTHING.

    Reading this site over the past few weeks has made it abundantly clear that there is a huge difference between saying funny things and saying… things.
    Don’t get me wrong, the current posts are indeed plentiful. They are indeed words. It is indeed content. And that’s about all it is.

    If pointless/unfunny content is what you’re aiming for, congratulations, you’ve reached the pinnacle of your trade.

    For what it’s worth, I no longer read the words here and only give a passing glance to the pictures. Honestly, the only reason I still frequent this site is due to years of built up inertia.

    In recent times you’ve asked us, the readers, to write for you. You’ve asked us to be your graphic designers. The only thing you haven’t done is ASK US TO BE YOUR READERS.

    As you’ve asked us, the people, for our input, I, the person, ask you the following:
    (I also answer the questions so *SPOILERS* for those that don’t read the books.)

    - What are your goals with this site?
    It’s a pretty easy question, and I guess I could speculate. You want readers/clicks.

    - Are you getting as many clicks now as you did 7 months ago?
    If you said yes I wouldn’t believe it, I’d call you a dirty rotten liar and pee through your letter slot.

    - So what do you, the site owners, do in the face of an ever declining readership?
    Continue to do deliver the same wretched product in the vague hope that people will forget this site used to be entertaining and come back because REASONS.

    You do have the inertia crowd so perhaps you’re satisfied with that. Still, it’s not much of a business plan.

    Look, you can’t force people to be funny. Either they have it, or they don’t. Your current writers are not just going to wake up one day, after being unfunny for the entirety of their lives, and spew out a season 2 Community script or an early Eddie Murphy stand up routine.

    It’s just not going to happen.

    So, almighty WWTDD? overlords, where does that leave you?
    Spending money, holding your dicks and hoping for the best I’d imagine.

    When I began this rant I imagined I’d end it with something profound, or witty, but I guess imaginary dick holding is where we’re at.

    Yours sincerely,

    NeverSayNeversAgain.

  2. avatar
    Admiral 04/23/2013 12:13

    Is this going to be a new thing? Every post gets a page-long rant by some loser?

  3. avatar
    Never Say Nevers Again 04/23/2013 12:27

    Ironically, every post is a page long rant by some loser.

  4. avatar
    Shortshanks 04/23/2013 12:50

    I’m not sure that qualifies as “irony”, Never Say Nevers Again……

    ….that said…….. I can’t dispute much of your critique……

  5. avatar
    Never Say Nevers Again 04/23/2013 13:00

    Fair call Shortshanks. Even as I was writing it I was pretty sure I was using it less correctly and more Morissettey.

  6. avatar
    Joey Viner 04/23/2013 13:50

    I don’t get it. This links a blog post from MSN but that sources a Guardian article from April 19, 2010. Why is this being “reported” now?
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/apr/19/women-blame-earthquakes-iran-cleric

  7. avatar
    Never Say Nevers Again 04/23/2013 14:06

    Fantastic research Joey, kudos. But alas, chances of your reasonable question being answered are zero to none. The truth is: this site is awful.

    As far as I can tell it turns out that the sole reason it’s still up and running is because of the name. A name which the previous owner/writer built up from nothing.

    I guarantee you if this site started today, with the content it’s posting now, it would die a quick death of mediocrity.

  8. avatar
    RangerLG 04/23/2013 16:31

    Seems legit.

  9. avatar
    Bix 04/24/2013 08:58

    There was even a funny (?) reaction to that, 3 years ago.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boobquake
    -_-

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