Angelina Jolie Removes Both Her Boobs

By Michael May 14, 2013 @ 1:57 PM

Whatever real breast tissue Angelina Jolie had left is now gone after she had a preventative double mastectomy. It seems that the mother of between seventeen and thirty children has a faulty gene that increases her risk of getting cancer. Her mom died at a relatively young age and Angie wants to live to adopt more Third World kids and make movies in Croatia nobody will ever see. This doesn’t mean she’s going to be flat like your Aunt Gertrude after her mastectomy. This is Hollywood and without her tits Angie’s career is not just lukewarm like it is now, it’s over. So she had entirely new and I’m sure quite fabulously endowed boobs built. I’m guessing for a ton of cash you probably don’t get the bolt-ons either, but really nice Kate Upton replicas.

Angelina said she came out with her ordeal to encourage other women to get genetic tests done to identify their risk. That’s nice. It also gives us all an excuse to think about her breasts. I remember when I first saw them in the 90′s in Gia. they were so young and full of life. It was a simpler time then, when we could stare at her chest and not think about death.

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin, Getty, INF, PCN, WENN

(10) Comments

  1. avatar
    Mud Nugget 05/14/2013 14:33

    Brad is seeing Jennifer in a whole new light

  2. avatar
    Admiral 05/14/2013 15:08

    She has enough money, why not some bionic limbs while she’s at it? You never know when you’ll have to punch through a brick wall to save one of your children.

  3. avatar
    PunkA 05/14/2013 15:33

    Sounds like Jack doesn’t know Jack $h!t about Jolie.

    She got her boobs removed, then added some +2, so she now sports a fake rake. Probably some nice D’s.

    That’s an upgrade.

  4. avatar
    RangerLG 05/14/2013 16:03

    I always thought she was a robot.

  5. avatar
    Shortshanks 05/14/2013 17:20


    I hope Brad gets those puppies bronzed for posterity….

  6. avatar
    Shortshanks 05/14/2013 17:21

    I hope Jennifer Anniston takes Brad back……..he’s going to need a new woman, now….

  7. avatar
    ThisSiteIsGayPornography 05/14/2013 19:44

    Is she that great of an actress? She had big lips and nice tits with a small waist. I guess I can sympathize with her a little, but she is the daughter of Hollywood people who then made it through connections and showing her ripe teen tits.

  8. avatar
    barnaby.jones 05/14/2013 23:18

    really, you had to make a detrimental story about a woman getting her breasts removed as a preventative measure against cancer, knowing full well it would return idiotic comments like “derr what a waste of good boobs” and “lol now brad is gonna leave her lol”.
    “This is Hollywood and without her tits Angie’s career is not just lukewarm like it is now, it’s over.” yep. worth is dictated by breasts. totally. that isn;t even satire, that’s just immature.
    i understand the way this website portrays women is (or used to be) mostly satirical and is meant to be offensive to an extent, but this is just blah.
    nobody wants to talk about cancer. everybody hates cancer.
    and “flat like your aunt gertrude after her mastectomy”?
    yeah, that stupid life saving procedure that ruins boobs, right?
    this isn’t some elective, just for funsies breast augmentation. this is to prevent death so children have a mother who will be there to see them grow up.
    go back to talking about wanting to bang underage girls, and lena dunham being dumpy. at least that is marginally more tasteful.

  9. avatar
    Shortshanks 05/15/2013 10:46

    Barnaby Jones……

    …..she DIDN’T have cancer……she just amputated body parts that MIGHT have gotten cancer…..

    …..her selfishness has deprived the world of her only useful assets….

  10. avatar
    barnaby.jones 05/16/2013 21:55

    ummm yeah it was a preventative measure against an 87% chance of cancer. the same cancer her mother died from. at no point did i say she HAD cancer, i mainly raised issue with the assertion YOU just made, that the only shame here is the loss of a good set. reading comprehension.

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