Beyonce Dabs with Red Toilet Paper

By Lex May 01, 2013 @ 3:50 PM

Beyonce is going on a world tour. Apparently, there are teenaged girls and gay men in places outside the U.S.. But she’s not going without a list of demands, as evidenced in her tour contract rider, that little addendum that provides all of the artists customized requests:

  • titanium straws to drink alkaline water kept at precisely 21-degrees
  • all crew to wear 100% cotton only clothing
  • plain off-white walls in her dressing rooms
  • a new toilet seat at every event
  • red toilet paper
  • hand-carved ice-ball to suck after every performance
  • glass platters of almonds, oatcakes and green-only crudités

Honestly, that doesn’t sound all that much more choosy than most prescription medicated Westside L.A. moms in their daily fanatical doings. But that red toilet paper. That’s a real mystery. I did a little digging. It turns out the red butt 2-plys have no significant difference from your standard whites. It’s just a style choice. A choice to wipe your ass with red. Are we to read into a deeper meaning here? Is Beyonce a communist? Is this the team color of the college she didn’t go to? Or, is it possible, just in some way, somehow, slightly possible that Beyonce is a needy self-absorbed crazy bitch? Yeah, I know, probably a communist.

(6) Comments

  1. avatar
    SomeoneluvsU 05/01/2013 16:01

    I think it’s so you can’t tell when Jay-Z’s on the rag…..

  2. avatar
    MCordes 05/01/2013 16:12

    WTF? If she needs that water to be 21C, that’s like 70 degrees, which is awfully warm. If she wants 21F, that’s what we call ice around these parts. Good luck sucking that through your titanium straw.

  3. avatar
    RangerLG 05/01/2013 16:25

    God got her periods mixed up. Every 28 days she starts acting nice, lasts about a weekend.

  4. avatar
    Pitbulllover 05/02/2013 00:58

    maybe her ass bleeds from all the anal she gets – and just in case the toiler doesn’t flush properly – she doesn’t want anyone to know

  5. avatar
    SigmaEW 05/02/2013 10:08

    how big of an ice ball do you think she keeps in her mouth?

  6. avatar
    TheTim 05/07/2013 08:28

    The stupid requests are there to make sure the promoter reads the whole contract. If she walks in and doesn’t see red toilet paper, then she knows her people have to check out the lighting and the sound being provided for them because it’s probably wrong too.

    Some artists go way overboard, but if those are her only dumb requests then it’s not too bad.

    As for the 20 degree water… A singer doesn’t drink cold water before a show. they drink just above room temperature. It’s better for her throat.

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