Ground Turkey Is Full Of Shit

By Jack May 01, 2013 @ 3:13 PM

A Consumer Reports study of ground turkey found that over half of it is contaminated with shit. Like, poop shit. 90% of the meat also contained salmonella, Staphylococcus aureus, E. coli, enterococcus bacteria. Yum. This only applies to ground turkey and not the whole bird you stuff your fat face with at Thanksgiving. And, hold on to your whiteboy dreads organic hipster loser, because organic turkey also has the same amount of shit and bacteria. So you’re going to be bent over your low flow toilet without the comfort provided by growth hormone derived man-tits. Of course, the real problem is people eating fucking ground turkey in the first place. Real Americans eat burgers made from beef like God intended. If you’re going to eat a turkey burger then you might as well eat a veggie burger in which case you might as well just start sucking cock and calling yourself Darlene. That last exaggeration is for emphasis. Stop eating fucking turkey burgers.

wwtdd

(6) Comments

  1. avatar
    SomeoneluvsU 05/01/2013 15:57

    So ground turkey and politicians have a lot in common?

  2. avatar
    Al (Ted) Bundy 05/01/2013 16:18

    So unless this was a celebrity turkey, why the crap is this story on WWTDD? Oh, that’s right, you’re busy “rebranding” the place. Well if the goal is to make it much less interesting, well done!

  3. avatar
    RangerLG 05/01/2013 16:26

    So is that what this site is called now, Ground Turkey? Because it sure is full of shit.

  4. avatar
    Bflokid 05/01/2013 17:34

    The new writers and the people who hired them should be fired. Possibly, the people who hired the people who hired the writers, as well.

  5. avatar
    RangerLG 05/02/2013 08:45

    Brenden should be fired! He brought BuzzMedia here in the first place. Oh wait.

  6. avatar
    tsferg 05/02/2013 16:01

    Hipster? A person who eats organic and has dreads is a hipster? How uncreative and lazy are these shits.

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