A Consumer Reports study of ground turkey found that over half of it is contaminated with shit. Like, poop shit. 90% of the meat also contained salmonella, Staphylococcus aureus, E. coli, enterococcus bacteria. Yum. This only applies to ground turkey and not the whole bird you stuff your fat face with at Thanksgiving. And, hold on to your whiteboy dreads organic hipster loser, because organic turkey also has the same amount of shit and bacteria. So you’re going to be bent over your low flow toilet without the comfort provided by growth hormone derived man-tits. Of course, the real problem is people eating fucking ground turkey in the first place. Real Americans eat burgers made from beef like God intended. If you’re going to eat a turkey burger then you might as well eat a veggie burger in which case you might as well just start sucking cock and calling yourself Darlene. That last exaggeration is for emphasis. Stop eating fucking turkey burgers.