Mariah Carey Has a New Music Video

By Lex May 10, 2013 @ 7:17 PM

Mariah Carey On A Motorcylce In Her New Music Video Beautiful

Mariah Carey has a new music video called ‘Beautiful’. I’m not going to listen to it, but I’m told it’s about how much she loves a guy. It could be Nick Cannon I suppose, though that seems unlikely. Nobody really loves Nick Cannon, they just kind of find him okay. If he was a fruit, he’d be a plain red apple. He’s in every fruit assortment, but nobody picks him first. Certainly nobody’s going to write a song about him that contains this powerful callout:

“Ooh, you make me feel undressable”

I first thought it referred to the team of stevedores Mariah requires to unload her from the trusses that bind her body for public appearances. But now I realize it just means she really wants to fuck a guy who isn’t Nick Cannon. Fair enough. Nobody wants to fuck the apple.

(3) Comments

  1. avatar
    TwinkieRapist 05/10/2013 20:43

    Nick Cannon. A very special snowflake. I’m not sure where I’m going w/this.

  2. avatar
    Lascivious Celebs 05/11/2013 15:04

    hell yes. i love Mariah. she’s hot no matter how crazy or emotional people say she is. she’s still a gorgeous woman.

    and PLEASE Mariah…. let’s see some sextapes from you. we know you’re a freak behind closed doors. your sextape would do wayyy better than the Farrah Abraham Teen Mom sextape. it’s selling like crazy on our website.. but i bet yours would sell much better.

  3. avatar
    RangerLG 05/13/2013 11:21

    She’s probably boring in the sack. She’d be doing her nails while you do all the work.

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