Miami’s Bird-Flipping Fan Probably Killed Her Husband

Last night a classy lady named Filomena Tobias was photographed sticking her middle finger at Bulls’ player Joakim Noah at the Miami Heat game. It’s a funny picture, but just who is this crazy bitch? It seems that this winner likes to take mucho drugs and has been married four times. That’s not that insane, right? Oh, and she may have murdered her fourth husband Seth Tobias. She met the hedge fund manager in a sex party circle, which I’m going to choose to believe is like Eyes Wide Shut. She then became very angry at Seth because he kept doing coke, which I guess took blow out of her nose. She once jumped on him at a restaurant and sucked his nose to check for coke residue. You know, like you do to your significant other. Plus she says things like this in an IM exchange that was found after her husband’s death: “I HOPE YOU GET AIDS WIT ALL THE WHORES YOU FUK TOO”. Yeah, I know. I do that too.

You’d think that someone who may or may not have murdered someone would try and keep a low profile. But you can’t just keep your crazy in a can. There’s no lid for that. Noah’s lucky she didn’t have a gun.