Public Pools Are Full Of Shit

May 17, 2013 | News | editor | 0 Comments

The CDC tested 161 public pools in the Atlanta area and found that 58% of them had traces of E. Coli and fecal matter. The CDC says it has to do with several factors including poor hygiene on the part of the swimmers and little kids having what they innocuously refer to as  “formed fecal incidents”. The chances of people getting sick from swimming inside a giant toilet are pretty high. The CDC’s Healthy Swimming Program chief Michele Hlavsa said:

“It is time to stop treating the swimming pool as a toilet. Nowhere else except for the pool is it acceptable to poop in public or pee in public. In other places if we did this in public, we’d be arrested.”

No shit, Michele. Personally, you couldn’t pay me to get into a public swimming pool. I know it gets hot in the summer, but swan diving into a tank of turds isn’t the answer. If you live in the city, crack a fire hydrant. If you live in the burbs, grab a hose. Fill a basin with cold water and sit-in. Invite your friends to join you. But before you do, ask them one important question, do you intend to empty your bowels in my tub? If they answer in the affirmative, tell them it’s a no go on the tub and direct them to the nearest public swimming pool.