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May 22, 2013 | News | Lex Jurgen | 0 Comments
Jacqueline Simpson is a big time Gospel singer. So big, I couldn’t find any mention of her anywhere on the Internet. Except for the fact that she’s suing McDonald’s because she allegedly swallowed some glass in her Chicken Sandwich and it fucked up her singing voice. Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t, either way, if I’m on the jury, I nullify. Short of non-Chinese human child organs, there’s nothing really you shouldn’t expect to find in your 99-cent anything sandwich at McDonald’s. It’s not food. It’s food-esque. Glass is probably the most natural substance in your meal. Not saying you want a bottle shard with every bite, but you have to accept some level of risk when you want three day’s worth of piping hot kilocalories for the change in your pocket. Old people and fat people need to stop suing McDonald’s, because it’s your very best friend.